It's been weeks since this board stirred....
I'm gonna try and continue One More Hit. Prod me, encourage me to keep working at it, please. Best way to stop me from losing interest.
I'm hoping this can be a fun exploration of the dark eldar pyche (Melekh is going to become less sterotypically evil as time goes on, because eldar are far too intelligent and complex to simply be 1D villains) and the complex play of power between these two personalities.
I always find peoples' different treatments of the Dark Eldar interesting, so I'll definitely be keen to see yours ;)
So far it's looking great!
Hey,
When will you be posting on this again? I think that it is very good so far and cant wait to read more.
I need to kick myself in the ass and write the next part, yes. But I have plenty of time over the next few weeks to do so. :)
Been gone for a long time. Still enjoy the writing. How has everything been going?
*prods Sargoth*
Write more. I like what you've done so far. I have the same problem. I really should be writing something, but I have lost the will. I will force myself to begin in a week, I think.
Write!
*grumbles in his set*
I've been so busy, and the next scene was kind of stuck. I will attempt a revamp, probably after an edit and improve of the earlier segment (I still don't like the eldar's name, which I've changed three times). Just keep poking me. I also might poke some short 40K one-shots. Maybe there's an idea for a thread.
*Picks up saruthi neural prodder*
Good idea. If you keep working, I'll keep working.
*resumes prodding*
Consider yourself rewarded.
It's rather dialogue heavy. I love dialogue. We're starting to see the two of them build a relationship of sorts; both friends and enemies, addicts and pushers... It will be fun to see where they end up, I hope.
Also removed some annoying typos in the first post. I spelled Lemarche wrong a few times. Also, 'ende'...
Yay, an update. It's nice to see you establishing a bit more of a relationship between the two characters. They both still obviously despise each other, but they have a mutual need of each other, the eldar being reliant upon Lemarche for souls and Lemarche reliant upon the eldar as he wishes to get more information on their race.
*stops prodding, being temporarily satiated*
Indeed, the whole point of this thread (as well as getting into the dark eldar psyche) was to explore the horrific and messed up relationship between these two, and the paralells between their warring addicitions...
I like the duality already mentioned, and the dialogue-style stripped bare of any redundancies works very well in keeping focus on the relational-psychology. The danger is, it seems, to let it divert in a scholarly lecture on Dark Eldar conduct and background, how interesting it may be.
I thought the first two post very strong, with the Inquisitor struggling with how far across the border he can take his search for knowledge and the Eldar wavering between contemptuous silence and disloyalty to the secrecy of his race to satisfy his will to live a little while longer (for sure he must know his chances of getting out alive are slim?). Although I'm not sure, it may be the Inquisitor is stoically dragged into whatever he needs to do to gain conversation. The end justifies the means, in a dogged, insane way? On a second thought, I lean to the latter interpretation, I think.
The latest post, I found a little less. The information came too easily and dominated the post at the expense of the personages?
Good writing, anyway. Keep it up.
I, myself, wasn't too happy with the latest post. I needed to set up things for the next big shake up.
*realises there was an update* Yay!!!! You're not dead!!!!!!
The most recent part seemed fairly strong to me. I'm interested in what's coming next.
Good. Keep going.
Really enjoyed this. I'm going to start prodding too!
I do need a lot of it; what happens next is planned, it's just surprisingly difficult to write!
Right, sorry to double post, but I've updated. With a major plot development and a rather heavy-handed use of a theme.
My intention was always for this to be a short story, and now we near the end. I apologise to any remaining readers for my slow (glacial, even) update speed, but I'm going to make a rash promise that this will be completed in three weeks.
Just found your post and thoroughly enjoyed it. Looking forward to seeing how it ends!
So the dark eldar have come to retrieve Melekh?
They have indeed, as you can see in the new update (http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=214.msg8936#new)
We are very close to the end now - perhaps two (long) updates left. Any predictions as to how this will end?
And there we go. I'll likely edit this a bit later, but... it's done! The final showdown is nearly entirely dialogue, even if it ends a little... abruptly. The epilogue is about the same length, and I'm rather proud of some of the descriptions in it.
Comments, criticism, advice for any edits and any questions are welcomed. Or maybe craved. We've all got our vices, after all...
An excellent read. Thoroughly enjoyed it. So much so that I kept coming always coming back for one more hit. :)
There isn't much to criticize, I guess. Very well written. My only question is...
Will there be a follow up? A sequel, perhaps?
I'm not suggesting anything, but perhaps the eldar were able to stitch up both Melek and Inquisitor Lemarche, and then... the tables have turned? ;)
Thank you for those kind words. Despite the tease at the end, and the fun I had writing Gabriel and Melekh... I'm afraid this is a one-off, because a sequel would just be me saying the same things over again.
But, while a sequel is out of the question, I have one or two other stories you might like littered around, and I'm submitting something to the BL soon. In the likely event of rejection, I'll post it up here.
Really enjoyed it. Getting into the psychology behind the DE was interesting and while it didn't necessarily add to the fluff it definitely fleshed out a lot of ideas. It's a quite a good read and definitely think you should submit it, great one off story.
Naturally, fleshing the characters out into something full length would be awesome, but as you said, you pretty much got the point across. It would definitely be fun to follow the characters should they be stitched up (although it sounds as though Melek ate Gabriel's soul as he was dying, thus they both are fodder for she-who-thirsts) if you feel there's a longer story worth telling.
I also love the HR nod with LeMarche's name (unless the relation to LeMarchand is purely coincidental, given the subject matter I'm assuming it's not).
It was indeed a nod, nice to see it was spotted. Alas, you can't submit anything that's already been hosted online but I'm working on something different which you'll see (eventually) either way.
Both souls got ate, aye, and they were both pretty mangled at the end. I'm afraid there isn't any way they're coming back, but the fact that people would like them rather pleases me. :)
Loved it! Really wonderful.
To my mind, it could have done without the epilogue (Which is very well written and enjoyable, mind you). I understand your want to finish with a dramatic cliff hanger, but I found the main story's end more than sufficient and far from "abruptly" as you term it. Might be a matter of taste.
Very well done, anyway and success with the BL submission