Author Topic: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC  (Read 4942 times)

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« on: August 23, 2010, 12:23:09 AM »
Well, there's apparently some nutters on this forum who think I'm a reasonable writer, so here's some nonsense I've been working on recently.

Set in the 44th millennium, this looks at the (possible) future of Jax Lynn, the regenerating mutant in Marco's warband.
2364 years on, it turns out that Jax really is pretty much immortal, her mutation making her as able to survive the years as she is bullets and blades.

Obviously, I run the risk of going against other people's interpretations of the future of the 40k universe, but as you can tell, I'm running with the theory that, much like the last however many thousand years, the Imperium really hasn't gone very far at all. There are going to be differences from the universe of the late 41st/early 42nd millennium, but I'll be handling those as I go on.

Equally obviously, time has made Jax a pretty different person to her tabletop self, so don't take this as conforming to the character sheet in the rules section. Some things are the same. But many aren't.

So, what you see here is pretty speculative, reasonably self-indulgent and probably non-canon as far as the actual time-line of my characters. I'm not planning on it being a particularly long running piece, but we'll see what happens.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2010, 12:32:44 AM by MarcoSkoll »
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Kallidor

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
  • Departmento Munitorum
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2010, 01:02:52 AM »
I don't recall reading about the exploits of this character before but she seems very interesting, a mature character which befits someone of her age and certainly provides a lot more meat than mutant characters usually seem to get. It was good to see you discuss how mutants are normally perceived and yet Lynn doesn't hold a grudge which is a much more preferable character trait I find, it can get a bit tiresome to see down-trodden characters with big chips on their shoulders. I found the robustness of her character echoed her physical abilities quite nicely especially when she felt a bit sorry for Rae; she's tolerant of Lynn but far from being a good thing may be a disadvantage.

I think the use of the offspring of Skoll was quite effective, with the undying servant of sorts now holding the position of authority; they may well be the descendants but Lynn actually knew the Inquisitor.

I found the first-person narration to be well handled too, not too laboured and Lynn wasn't prattling on in her own head. I'll be interested to see how this develops.
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2010, 04:49:59 AM »
I don't recall reading about the exploits of this character before but she seems very interesting
Well, this is the first experiment of writing her at an age other than up to her current age of 45 (current as far as the present "Conclave date" of M42.010).  Even without that restriction, there's not much to read of the exploits of this particular version of the character yet, as I only recently rewrote her (her character sheet, and a summary of some of the larger differences from the previous version, can be seen here).

And as far as the "meat" of the character... obviously, a first person character is going to need depth, mutant or not. But I do think the mutant perspective is a pretty rare one - psykers, yes. "Regular" mutants, less so - so there's some potential for exploration.

Quote
It was good to see you discuss how mutants are normally perceived and yet Lynn doesn't hold a grudge
I think after twenty-four hundred years, she's probably realised that such grudges are pointless, and actually more of a problem. Still, I bring it up because I do intend to cover in more depth why exactly this mutant is helping a society which so ostracises her in a later instalment.

I'll admit that Jax isn't quite the typical 40k mutant, as she doesn't look like a waxwork which has been put in the microwave - here's the concept art for her (this version of the picture fixes some of the flaws in the version I linked from her character thread).
Like I say, not typical, but there are some precedents for "mutants who would be pretty but for X" in the canon, so not exactly unreasonable.

Quote
I think the use of the offspring of Skoll was quite effective, with the undying servant of sorts now holding the position of authority; they may well be the descendants but Lynn actually knew the Inquisitor.
I had originally conceived other possibilities for the other characters in this, but the idea of a family which Jax had watched go by for many generations appealed. It seemed like a coping strategy - the thought that she hasn't really lost the people she once knew, because they live on in their descendents.

It also seemed like the kind of thing I could imagine Marco and Silva doing. Their relationship is certainly strong enough that they'd want children, although they'd both recognise the fact it really wasn't possible to mix children and the work of the Inquisition. So, that's the solution they came up with - and it's actually very interesting from a roleplay perspective, thinking about how characters have planned for their death and legacy.

It also has to be assumed that Jax will gain a lot more of Marco's trust in coming years - not that they're suspicious of one another currently, but you do have to be very sure about someone to let them bring up pretty much every descendent you're ever going to have.

Quote
I found the first-person narration to be well handled too, not too laboured and Lynn wasn't prattling on in her own head.
I don't actually write in first person very often - mainly because I'm often swapping between the actions of several characters, and first person isn't practical in such a case.

However, this time, it seemed appropriate. Jax is very definitely the lead character here, and being able to present her particular take and explanations on things is going to be pretty important as I go along.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Jarrik32

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 20
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2010, 02:30:13 PM »
Well, there's apparently some nutters on this forum who think I'm a reasonable writer, so here's some nonsense I've been working on recently.

I just want to add that I'm not one of the aforementioned nutters :)

On a serious note this seems pretty good, keep up the work.
We stand as one.

Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

  • Inquisitor
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2010, 03:24:23 PM »
This is a good piece of work, though it's hard for me to say too much with regards to characterisation and plot after one post. Incidentally, kudos for approaching the much-maligned first person.

So I'll mostly limit my thoughts a stylic point - my issue is that there's a lot of word redundancy. For example...

Quote
...for what use is being told only way to purify the sin of mutation is to die in the Emperor's name when you're a mutant who can't die?

This is a nice conceit, but it's not snappy enough. You also go into a little bit too much detail when you're setting the scene, which can drift into 'Telling not showing' (a sin we all commit regularly, myself included, but a sin nonetheless). Knowing the precise number of crew is unimportant to the narrative, for exampleand it's hard to open with exposition like that. A trick I employ in... well, just about everything I've ever written is to throw people in at the deep end with a scene/dialogue/monologue that's as interesting as I can make it and then set the scene.

Character-wise, Rae comes across as very detached, which makes sense if she's been around two thousand years. Though, mutant or not, I imagine the only way to avoid going insane in that period of time would be to forget vast, vast, vast swathes of your life. Indeed, if I was writing about such a character they'd be temporally confused as to what century it was and who they were speaking to most of the time. But thankfully I'm not.
One More Hit - A tale of addiction.

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2010, 09:04:09 PM »
So I'll mostly limit my thoughts a stylic point - my issue is that there's a lot of word redundancy.
I'm reasonably bad on that one. That particular example you brought up... it was ugly when I was writing it, but a better word order escaped me. I'll see if I can cut down on it.

Quote
Character-wise, Rae comes across as very detached, which makes sense if she's been around two thousand years.
Some name confusion here. Rae is the seventeen year old void born. It's Jacqueline (although more commonly known as "Jax") who's the 2,400 year old mutant.

I'd actually say that Jax isn't really meant to be detached so much as "seasoned" (no, not in the cooking sense!) - there is of course a degree of separation in that she has no real peers*, but detached has a bit too much of "lack of concern/interest" in it.

But I haven't got to any parts where the "seasoned" part will really stand out yet, so... ;)

Quote
Though, mutant or not, I imagine the only way to avoid going insane in that period of time would be to forget vast, vast, vast swathes of your life.
Such characters go a LONG way out of any human experience, so it's hard to know how a human mind would react to that kind of lifetime. (Particularly as she hasn't biologically aged since before she was twenty, which is another thing that just doesn't happen.)

I really don't think my skills are up to writing an incoherent or insane first person character well enough for it to work (and anyway, it's not really what I want to write), so I've assumed she's remained sane.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline phil-o-mat

  • Inquisitor
  • ***
  • Posts: 124
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2010, 07:53:04 AM »
that`s good stuff!
i like your style very much, especially that you wrote in first person.
and i really like the idea that nearly nothing has changed in those 2000 years.

can`t wait to read more!

phil

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2010, 04:17:38 AM »
To anybody who is interested: I have not forgotten Ad Vitam Aeternam.

I am working on it, but as previous writing efforts have sometimes been written into corners with poor planning, I decided to take the time to make sure I had a rock solid backbone to the plot before I went too far.
I've been pretty busy, so it's taken a while, but it's finally nearing completion.

The various comments you guys have left were taken on board, and hopefully the remainder of the story will be rather slicker in presentation than the "pilot".

This will be back soon.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2011, 10:28:01 PM »
Emperor's teeth! An update type thing!

I just needed to mash a keyboard tonight, so I finally managed to polish up the next section of this. Hopefully, the third section will take a lot less time than this one did.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Stormgrad

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 256
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2011, 01:22:32 PM »
Marco hurry up my wants more entertainments

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2011, 12:20:27 AM »
Sorry, that section didn't take less time than the last one did, so you've probably all forgotten everything that's come before by now.

I kept trying to write something else for it and it took a stupidly long time for me to swap it out with something else.

Hopefully though, as I spent a lot of the time I was suffering writer's block writing bits and pieces for the later story, it should mean I have more idea about where this is going in future.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Inquisitor Goldeneye

  • Inquisitor
  • ***
  • Posts: 109
  • Thinks he's a wit, and he's half right...
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2011, 04:35:05 PM »
Very nice, I particularly liked the evocative way you described the mad dash through the ship.

I look forward to the next instalment (however long it takes!)
'A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.' -  William Wordsworth.

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2013, 02:37:49 AM »
If anyone actually remembers this plot after what is more than two years, I will be very surprised.

However, having written something has helped me feel considerably less depressed than I did two hours ago.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2013, 02:40:16 AM by MarcoSkoll »
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Online MarcoSkoll

  • Arch Data-Archivist
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 4550
  • Time for some thrilling heroics.
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2013, 12:48:04 AM »
A short update, but an update that tells us a few things nonetheless. Namely:
- She cannot (as opposed to merely "will not") describe being dead. However, it's apparently dangerous knowledge.
- Her regeneration extends to her mental state.
- She doesn't sleep much.*

*This is actually a natural extension of the fact her metabolism seems to have a "turbo" mode. Part of the purpose to sleep is flushing toxins from the brain... and her body is very good at dealing with toxins.
She's also resistant to the chemical changes that occur from limited (or a complete lack of) sleep, but it's still one of her limits; While she can stay awake for multiple days on end (and has been forced to on many occasions), it's not easy, pleasant or efficient. Space Marines and their Catalepsean node have a much easier time with sleep deprivation than she does.

And for those that can't remember a character that got an aside mention in a post two and a half years ago, Erena is Tyrell's mother (and hence Rae's grandmother).
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline renegade thor

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 19
  • deep in thought
Re: Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2013, 03:32:57 PM »
a great read , look forward to the next instalment
question the heretic, beat the heretic, burn the heretic , kill the heretic ,dispose of the heretic and have a coffee to relax