[Inquisitor Sargoth]

...Easier than making seperate threads for The Greater Good, Singularity and Alloyed Blood. First one is a finished short, second two are WIPs.

Yes, after a long absence I'm back with a burst of my trademark dark fiction. Please check them out and if you liked (or even if you didn't...) any of them I'd appreciate comments and criticism.

[Flinty]

I thought all three a good read, and particularly liked the Greater Good - nice character and plot development in a short piece. Looking forward to seeing more of Singularity - very atmospheric and full of nice detail.

Edit: sp

[Herald]

Just read all three of them and they're all very good, nice and grim-dark. Alloyed Bllod is probably my favourite and if i'm guessing rightly he may be in the early stages of the obliterator virus? The idea of the gun in his mouth responding to his shouting I particularly liked and can't wait to read more. The only criticism I might have is that comfort girl doesn't seem a very 40K term although right now i can't think of anything better.

The Greater Good was equally dark and i liked the concept of Anathema seems exactly the kind of person the Imperium would use. The problem i did have was that the Water CAste seemed perhaps a bit too human, although it is difficult to get into a completely alien view point and this can easily be explained due to his regular contact and study of humanity. Also I'm not really sure I see the water caste as the caste that would supply torturors but I'm not sure which caste would. Oh it also seemed to have 1984 undertones with the idea of not just torturing till she confesses but until she fully converts to the greater good.

Finally Singularity was good, although my least favorite, but that's not really a reflection on your writing I just don't really like Space Marines in fiction despite them being so central to the 40K universe. You have however done a good job of making the character interesting and its always hard to balance space marines betwwen being human, super human, completely unhuman, warriors and monks. I felt perhaps that Aodh "You certainly took your time" was perhaps slightly too human for a marine but that  could just be the way i see them.

Sorry  that rambled a bit but as you'd put the effort in to writing them and I had read them I might as well respond. In short good work, keep it up.

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

Thank you very much! It's always nice to know someone read - and enjoyed - your work.

Yeah, it's the Obliterator virus. The next part, when I get around to finishing it, details his infection and is probably going to be really quite unpleasant.

On The Greater Good - Ro'lan's humanity is a hallmark of how good he is an actor. The Water Caste are the caste called upon to understand how aliens think so by that logic they're the best torturers. And the 1984 inspiration is entirely intentional - I've joked (poorly) elsewhere that Ro'lan reports to Por'O'Bri'en.

The Marines in Singularity have yet to really let their personalites come to the fore - each has distinct foibles and habits. Aodh is certainly the most human of the lot.

[Wulf]

All three were very good. Of the three, I liked Singularity the most, but that could just be my preference for Space Marines.

Anyways... I liked The Greater Good, but the Captive/Captor setting reminded me of One More Hit. Which led to unfair comparisons between the two. The Greater Good was, well, good, pardon the pun, but One More Hit was a masterpiece.

Without any idea of what the Obliterator virus is, Alloyed Blood was still an enjoyable read. Suitably oppressive, and I'm sure it gets better - or worse, for Jacques - as the virus progresses.

What ultimately led me to enjoy Singularity the most was that I found the characters most interesting. What I like most about your writing is your portrayal of the psyche of different characters and/or species in the WH40k universe. So I am really looking forward to seeing what you do with the Iron Hands and their unique mix of Space Marine/Machine Cult mindset.

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

Anyways... I liked The Greater Good, but the Captive/Captor setting reminded me of One More Hit. Which led to unfair comparisons between the two.

You're quite right - I was fully aware of the similarites as I wrote it - the same dynamic and the same idea - highlighting an alien mindset. That's the main reason it's a short - to avoid rewriting One More Hit. I just loved Ro'lan, the Tau answer to an Inquisitor, too much to not use him in some way.

The Greater Good was, well, good, pardon the pun, but One More Hit was a masterpiece.

I'm honoured and humbled to hear that...

What ultimately led me to enjoy Singularity the most was that I found the characters most interesting. What I like most about your writing is your portrayal of the psyche of different characters and/or species in the WH40k universe. So I am really looking forward to seeing what you do with the Iron Hands and their unique mix of Space Marine/Machine Cult mindset.

Well, we've not seen much of the kill team yet, but each is going to represent one main facet of Space Marine-hood. Aodh is the fierce warrior-pride, modulated by the Iron Hands' obsession with purging weakness, and by far the most human of them all (he has a sense of humour). Vaiya is cold even by marine standards, representign the logical side of the Iron Hands as well as the detached side of SMs generally. Farran is the lost boy, because marines often don't quite emotionally mature, while Kreios is the old veteran, more of a soldier than a monk. Eligius, who we'll be seeing very little of, is a surrogate Father (to Farran in particular). The nature of Iphia, which I won't reveal here, is also very personally affecting to the Iron Hands.

The lost boys/surrogate father theme I hold as the most interesting thing about Space Marines, and in fact I sent off a story proposal to the BL with what I consider one of, if not the, finest idea(s) I have ever had that tackles this head on. You'll get to see it here in the likely event it's rejected,and of course if they accept it. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Incidentally, that story and Singularity are the first time I have dared to tackle the Space Marines...

Thanks for the feedback - sorry if I tend to blather in these responses, I enjoy talking about writing nearly as much as I enjoy writing itself... Knowing people like and want to see more of a story also helps to motivate me to sit down and write it.

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

Hate to double-post, but Singularity has been updated. In dire need of proofreading, but we've now got rudimentary character dynamics and even marines walking on walls.

Also, I've thrown up another of my short stories for your amusement! My first, and thus far only, foray into the mind of an official character - Prince Yriel himself. It's short, but it's always nice to return to my love of the first person and the minds of eldar.

[DapperAnarchist]

Yay! Kelmon! Hurrah! Only just encountered him, so not finished, loving it so far though...

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

It's only a thousand words. But yes, indeed, yay for Kelmon! Love that little guy, hope I did him justice.

[Koval]

Reply #8 on: Today at 00:00:00

Ooh, that was good.

[Wulf]

Very nice, again. Writing it in present tense does wonders for the intensity of the story, and the catch-22, no-win situation presented to Yriel is a beauty. I think you've succeeded in portraying Yriel's fierce pride as well as Kelmon's subtle manipulation very well. Excellent work.

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

Cheers, Wulf! To anyone who hasn't looked up Kelmon, he died in that battle, which explains his last comments rather well I think.

[Wulf]

Ahem. Excuse me. Not to prod or poke you or anything... but any chance of an update for Singularity? Please?

[Inquisitor Sargoth]

I'll try to cook one up. I'm back at uni and pretty busy these days, I'm sad to say. I do have two new short pieces, both with a Slaaneshi spin, I'll post up soon for Halloween.

[Wulf]

RE: The Dance Without End

As usual, solid stuff, although my knowledge of the eldar is still quite limited.

Although, I must say that this is one I would like to see a bit longer than it was. I for one would be interested in Marb'altair's last few moments and what is going through his head before the possession, as well as I would like to see where you could take a character that doesn't have a soul.

As for the writing style, although the heavy dose of dialogue does mess with the flow of the text, the poetic or stylized text (example: In time to a dead heartbeat he dances the dance unending.) fits an eldar story very well. At least in my opinion.

In my opinion, the reasoning, lore and the dialogue are solid. All in all, a good short that left me wishing for a bit more.