Author Topic: Kaan Greystone  (Read 6240 times)

Offline Alta

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Kaan Greystone
« on: August 27, 2010, 10:16:19 PM »
This is the stats for my first Inquisitor character. He is not actually an Inquisitor, I don't think I'll make an actual Inquisitor as I prefer the other possibilities. Currently I have no model for him, but I'll probably make his model as soon as I finish my Golden Demon entry. I'll try and draw up a pic of him as soon as I have time though. For now all that I am certain of for his appearance is dark hair, hazel eyes and relatively young. Anyway, here are the stats:...


Kaan Greystone

Kaan is right handed

WS
BS
S
T
I
Wp
Sg
Nv
Ld
46
79
57
54
62
58
57
70
68

Special Abilities
•   Hipshooting
•   Quickload
•   Heroic

Equipment:
•   Automatic Combat Shotgun with reload
•   Duelling pistol
•   Knife
•   2 frag grenades
•   Flak armour on chest and abdomen (4 points of armour)
•   3 points of armour on all other locations except head


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Background:
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Kaan was obsessed with the military, even from a young age. He loved to go into town and watch the local military parades on his homeworld of Gethlix IV. He would often waste hours lying down on the hill overlooking the military ranges, watching the recruits training. He hoped that some day he would be there, training up to travel and defend the imperium. His father earned a living as a farmer, but fixed up agri-machinery in his spare time. His mother had died when he was very young, so he was brought up by his father. They lived in a reasonable size house in a rural area surrounded by forest. He kept to himself a lot and found it hard to make friends, but once he had made a friend he was loyal to them and it took a lot to break his friendship, a trait which he seems to have kept. He was quite a bright boy in his school years, but often distracted and would drift into daydreams. He would often make up games involving the military with his school friends. Even then he seemed to have a knack for tactics.

He shot his first gun at the age of 11. It was his dad’s antique shotgun. His first shot missed, but wasn’t far off. At the age of 16 he got himself a rifle and a license to use it. He liked the feel of it and would often go off into the nearby woods hunting small birds and critters. Although he liked the rifle a lot he still tried to get to use his dad’s shotgun whenever he could. So for his 17th birthday his dad bought him a shotgun of his own. The rifle from then on stood on a shelf in his room for most of the time. He much preferred the feel and raw power of the shotgun to the rifle. Since then the shotgun seems to have become his favourite weapon.

At the age of 19, once he had finished education, he joined the Imperial Guard. He enjoyed the training and sailed through it easily. The only real part he was not so good at was close combat; he did not seem to be very good at fighting with any weapon other than a gun. He did not really like the lasguns they had to use though as he much preferred the unhidden power and the noise of the shotgun, or even the rifle. In training he picked up useful skills with a grenade. He hadn’t really thought about how useful grenades were up to that point, but now he made a mental note to try and get hold of some frag grenades. Throughout the whole regime of training he built up his strength and endurance, even when in his spare time. When he came out of training he could not wait to get started. He could just imagine himself leading a small squad into unknown lands, fighting unknown infringers of the empire; holding off swarms of monstrosities on his own…

Real war was nothing like he expected. He was shipped off to Bandro’s Fall, out on the Southern Rim. He was deployed with the 871st Vardan Rifles and sent straight to the front lines. There was a large ork force gathering on the planet and they had been deployed, in the general’s words, to ‘slow it down’. He was shocked during the ensuing battle to see members of the Imperial Guard, his childhood idols, dropping like flies around him to a rain of orkish bullets. The operation was a success. The ork threat was dispersed, but the regiment had suffered a major loss in numbers. Kaan himself had not suffered any major injuries. He was commended for his effort but also disciplined on the use of alien weapons. During the battle his lasgun had been smashed by an ork who had managed to make it over the barricades, so he had picked up a nearby ork weapon and shot it. He used that for a while before it ran out of ammo, then he went back to using a lasgun that he picked from one of the many nearby corpses. He was ordered not to pick up alien weapons again; otherwise he would be executed for heresy. After the battle he was further shocked. He had expected the dead to be given proper funerals, yet instead they were just left on the battlefield to be cleared up by vultures and the locals.

He stayed with the Vardan Rifles for a few more years. During this time he was commended again and promoted to the rank of corporal. He was then transferred to a different regiment, the Gudrunite 52nd Rifles. After this he was passed around through a number of regiments. He travelled to many different parts of the galaxy. But in every regiment he saw the same attitude to the lower ranks. They treated them like cannon fodder, like a human shield to waste the enemy’s ammunition. He wanted to leave. He was about to get this chance.

On the busy hive world Malthiras a small incursion of Genestealers was gathering force. Normally the Arbites or the Inquisition should have been able to quell such an incursion when it started but something wasn’t right. The main Arbites building had been handily demolished under order of the Inquisition. That was the main problem on the planet, the Inquisition. They were ignoring all the cries for help regarding the Genestealers, anyone who tried to speak out against them, try to gather forces to fight the Genestealers or try to call for outside help was removed. No-one saw them any more, and when they did come out they always hide themselves entirely under long dark robes. The plea for help had been sent in secret by one of the high ranking diplomats. They had reached one simple conclusion. Corruption. Genestealers had been known to corrupt and mind control inhabitants of a planet before, but never really on this scale.

Kaan was in the Corran 13th Infantry, currently resting on a nearby world, when the regiment received the cry for help. They were sent there immediately. This was like no fight he had ever fought before. He was used to standing back behind a barricade shooting at an enemy that would just charge into the gunfire. He was not at all trained for this. They were fighting in the enclosed streets of one of the largest hive cities. The Genestealers and cultists would sneak up on them from every direction, picking them off one by one. During the battle, when no-one was looking, he acquired a shotgun from one of the dead cultists. He found it to be much more effective in this situation, as it was perfect for the short ranges they had to fire at. Slowly the main group was being dispersed; the Genestealers and cultists were splitting them up. Kaan now only had six other men with him, some of them only recruits. He managed to get them through into one of the buildings overlooking the central square. They managed to find a large meeting room and stocked up on resources. Kaan set about helping the wounded in the group while building up barricades so that they could defend this small saferoom. Not many Genestealers or cultists managed to find them, but those that did crawl through the only entrance were quickly dispatched by a shotgun shell or las bolt.

After two days of hiding out like this a stray missile, or grenade, the details of what it was are unclear, hit the building. The blast killed the two members of the group who were out patrolling the corridors, smashing away one corner and filling most of the corridors with rubble. The shockwave rippled through the building shattering the crude barricades and flinging the rest of the group against the wall.

When Kaan came to he was bruised all over and had deep cuts on his arms and legs. The others were all still concussed or unconscious; one of them he could tell would not wake up again. He managed to drag himself to the window to face the second of the planet’s two suns which was just crawling over the horizon. Down below he saw a gathering of the rest of the regiment. Those that could still stand had organised themselves into rows, as if they were about to be inspected. Questions swam through his head. What was happening? Was it all over?

A sleek black car swung round the corner followed closely by two armoured cars with autocannons mounted on top. A commissar stepped out of the black car accompanied by a general and a member of the Inquisition. Kaan could not completely hear what was happening but words floated up to his vantage point. “… well done … … proud … … … quell the … … … … But …” At this point the Commissar raised his voice. “… traitors … are corrupt … … must be …” Wait, why were the autocannons being loaded? Why was the regiment looking scared? And what was wrong with the commissar’s hand? The one he was trying so hard to keep hidden from the assembled group… “You are all … … must pay … … cannot allow … must end … … are tainted …” A change of wind for a brief second revealed to Kaan what the Commissar had been hiding so desperately. A claw. “You must be removed.” Kaan could not bear to watch, yet could not drag himself away, as the rapid fire bullets were released into the assembled heroes. As the sleek car carrying the true tainted evacuated the scene the assembled accused were dropping dead from a constant hail of bullets. They were too tired or injured to run so they just stood there, accepting the bullets. Kaan by this time had lost a lot of blood and his vision was blurring. He slumped off the windowsill and back into unconsciousness once more.

He awoke to one of the others, Hastor, bandaging his arm. Thrace was slumped against the wall, alive; but only just. Aleric, one of the youngest, was in the corner strapping up his leg in a thick wad of bandages. Together they could pull through.

A few days later they heard searches of the nearby building. Now and again they heard gunshots and cries of pain; be it from guard or civilian. They had to evacuate. By that time Thrace had died from blood poisoning and blood loss from the shrapnel and splinters in his legs and abdomen. Kaan, Hastor and Aleric, the other survivors, had to escape. By then they were healed enough to walk, but could not run great distances for very long.

From then on they flitted from building to building, not staying in one place for very long for fear of being found. Along the way they saw others in the same situation. They kept away from other people. They could afford to trust no-one. They did not really know where they were going; they always had to get somewhere else. They had to survive on what little rations they could find along the way. At night they took shifts as watchman, but the others could still not sleep; kept awake by constant fear. Hastor’s medical skills were incredibly useful, as they ran into many cultists and Genestealers along the way. Hastor was a natural leader; he was the veteran of the group and had seen many wars. In contrast to this was Aleric; who was just a new recruit. This had been his first ever taste of battle. He was the most fearful of all of them. Once, Hastor had found him slitting his own wrists with his combat knife. When asked why he said he didn’t know. Hastor later explained to Kaan that a lot of the newbies do that in extreme circumstances. He told him that they think that inflicting physical pain will block out the mental pain and fear in their heads. Hastor often saved them on many occasions, seeing threats that Kaan and Aleric completely missed. Aleric tried to be as helpful as possible, while keeping quiet and to himself. He tried to bottle all his fear up and try to show his seniors that he was not scared, yet Kaan often heard him weeping and breaking out in a sweat at night. They often had to break camp at night to escape a Genestealer or cultist that had snuck into the room.

Eventually, after what seemed like years of sleepless, starved running, they reached a major port. There was an Inquisitor there, checking people and guiding them onto a large transport ship. Hastor’s eyes cried tears of joy and he shoved Aleric and Kaan back and vaulted over the rubble, towards the ship, and freedom.

*bang*

Hastor dropped to the ground, his hope filled face turned upward towards the midday sun. Kaan stood up and shouted “Don’t shoot! We’re clean!” The Inquisitor looked them both over before lowering his gun. He nodded for them to get in line. But Kaan was too filled with anger to obey.

“What did you do that for?! He was no genestealer, no cultist, yet you shot him!”
“His rapid movement seemed threatening at the immediate time.” Replied the Inquisitor calmly.
“He was a hero. He led us to safety. And then you killed him, killed him!”
“Board this man and his companion onto the ship,” instructed the Inquisitor to the guards.
“To think, killed by the very men he fought so hard to protect!” Kaan shouted as they bundled him into the ship.
All through this barrage of insults the Inquisitor just stood there calmly as the doors of the ship closed.

As the ship sped out of the atmosphere he gave a little chuckle, then strolled away to his personal ship, leaving a true hero of the imperium to be claimed by the vermin, scavengers and creatures of this desolate world.

Silence reigned inside the ship as it set off. The survivors sat in silence, all absorbed in personal woes. Each thinking about the horrors they had escaped, the losses they had experienced, the destruction, the inescapable fear. Many had fallen to tears as the ship started up its warp engines to another world, to safety.

The Corran 13th had suffered such heavy losses that it had to be disbanded. Many of the survivors left at that point, including Kaan. Aleric was with the few that wanted to carry on serving the guard. Kaan never saw him again.

Kaan settled down on a peaceful world out on the western rim, Paxan VII. He tried to lead a calm, peaceful life, but kept thinking back to the moments on Malthiras. He had been scared all the time and always wanted to escape while he was there, but looking back it had seemed exciting. He couldn’t really settle down and get on with an ordinary life, it just didn’t seem right after all he had been through. Looking back he knew that that kind of fight was the type that he always dreamed of when he was younger. He knew finally what he wanted to do.

He offered his services as a mercenary fighter and very quickly got a place as a bodyguard for a Rogue Trader. This started a life of jumping from different employers, protecting an individual from a chaos cult, retrieving an artefact which could be deadly in the wrong hands, destroying a communications center of an opposing political party, his many different tasks varied greatly. To the other mercenary warriors he was weird, an anomaly for one major reason. He did not care about money. Instead of choosing the employer who would provide the most money, he would instead choose someone who was offering the most exciting, adventurous and challenging task. This choice of adventure over money often meant that when a city was in danger, while another mercenary would be arranging the terms of their rewards he would already be searching, employed by no-one but his own ambition and lust for adventure.


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Comments and Critiscism much appreciated.
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« Last Edit: August 30, 2010, 07:41:22 PM by Alta »
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Offline Zakkeg

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2010, 11:23:12 PM »
Haven't read the background yet, but the huge discrepancy between WS and BS jumps out at me. I know that others here tend to say that characters shouldn't be hyper-competent both in melee and at range, and that's generally true - but you've gone too far in the other direction. The kind of hand-eye coordination involved in being such a good shot will also lend itself to hand-to-hand combat, even with no specific training in that area. I'd bump his WS to at least 50 to reflect this.
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Offline Kresten

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2010, 12:19:24 AM »
The kind of hand-eye coordination involved in being such a good shot will also lend itself to hand-to-hand combat, even with no specific training in that area. I'd bump his WS to at least 50 to reflect this.

I disagree, being a good shot has nothing to do with hand to hand or weapon fighting. Both are very different fields of combat. To be able to react quickly to a punch or throw a one has nothing to do with the ability to take a decent shot, theres just no correlation. Whereas I do think for a warrior type it should be at least in the 40's, especially if given military training, I know from personal experience that being competent with a rifle does not mean that you are competent with your fists or a cqb weapon. If you were to say that given his training, he should be at least a little better at cqb then ok, but to say, well hes good at shooting, he should be good at fighting too is not realistic.

In reality the only skills represented in the stats that should go with ws imo are nerve and strength, my reasoning being this, it takes guts and experience to be able to fight an opponent hand to hand and a certain amount of strength to go with it to be effective. Even learning to duck a punch, block one or put together decent combos takes a lot of training to get it into body memory, which is essentially what hth is all about.

Dont mean to attack or anything, just my thoughts.
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Offline Zakkeg

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2010, 02:17:52 AM »
BS 79 isn't just competent, though - it's really very good. Just below Olympic-level. And the hand-eye coordination does translate to a degree. Half of hand to hand combat is the ability to put your blows where you want to. The other half is mainly reflexes, which a high BS also represents. Being able to hit a target with any reliability depends on taking the time to aim for most people. With BS 79, though, that isn't the case. From a standing position, BS 79 means you hit with a hip shot ~60-80% of the time depending on weapon, range, and visual conditions. Could you do that? I repeat: hand-eye coordination and reflexes. Being a phenomenal shot doesn't make you a great fighter, but it goes a long way to making you competent. Some basic training and a bit of experience (which a mercenary must surely have) do the rest.
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Offline Alta

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2010, 09:27:38 AM »
So bump it up to about 46?
Any problems with the other stats or equipment?
And do you think the background is ok, fluff-wise?
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Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2010, 11:45:59 AM »
High 40s sounds most reasonable for a competent but not that great WS.

Looking at your background, the information about the Genestealer infestation is a little thin imho. You introduced it quite suddenly.
Who was the other person that Kaan was with after surviving the shooting?
How long was he with the guard for?

Offline Alta

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2010, 02:06:37 PM »
Ok, I've changed it to 46.

@Orian - which parts of the infestation seem a little thin, and what do you think would be a better way to introduce it?
Do you mean after the others in the square below got shot? It says later that it was Hastor and Aleric and one other survivor who died of blood loss and poisoning.
I'm not entirely sure how long he was with the guard for, I coldn't really decide on that point.

Thanks for all the feedback
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Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2010, 03:27:35 PM »
It was a bit 'Suddenly! A Genestealer infestation!'. Aside from the brisk introduction, the descriptions of the feeling of conspiracy were very good!
I saw the other two being named a little further down - I was typing my observations out as I was reading. It might be worthwhile to move their introductions further up.



Offline Alta

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2010, 09:47:16 PM »
I'm not entirely the best at writing stories, what do you think would be a better way to introduce it?
Also I'll move their names further up.
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Offline GAZKUL

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2010, 12:12:38 PM »
Yet again you amaze me with the amount of effort you put in to making an awesome character.
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Offline Alta

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2010, 07:46:09 PM »
Ok, I modified it to introduce the other characters earlier. I still can't decide a better way to introduce the genestealer assault, as I said before; I'm not very good at writing stories, anyone got any ideas?

Also, as before, do you think the abilities and equipment are reasonable?

And is the story plausible fluff-wise?
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Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2010, 11:14:20 PM »
Fluff wise you're spot on.

Personally, if his commanders knew that there was a Genestealer infestation, they'd probably be told before they made landfall.

If they found out after making landfall, I'd introduce some more mundane actions (guard duty, training, etc.) before dropping a strange event (Commisar goes missing or something) and then ramp up the strangeness until someone sees / is breifed about it.

Offline Alta

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2010, 08:01:25 AM »
Personally, if his commanders knew that there was a Genestealer infestation, they'd probably be told before they made landfall.

They did find out before landfall:

On the busy hive world Malthiras a small incursion of Genestealers was gathering force.

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Offline Flinty

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2010, 08:43:55 AM »
The stats look fine to me. I see nothing wrong with a low WS and high BS; the character fluff describes how he had little inclination or desire to learn hand to hand skills in the first place, focusing much more effort on his marksmanship. Presumably he has since spent the minimal amount of time training/practicing hand to hand skills, and has been lucky enough to survive (so far) by keeping his distance.

Nice to see the background story, but I thought the planet-wide conspiracy was left hanging a bit; why was an Inquisitor checking boarding cards at the space port and not causing widespread mayhem/deviously schemeing himself ? What happened on Malthiras in the end ? How did that episode colour his view of the Inquisition (how did he even know that chap was an Inquisitor, and was he a real one?) and will that impact on how and for who he will work for/with in the future ?



  

 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2010, 08:46:45 AM by Flinty »
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Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: Kaan Greystone
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2010, 01:30:38 PM »
Yes - that's the part I mean when I said 'suddenly genestealers!'. imo, I think it would be worthwhile adding a paragraph whereby a commander/sergeant/someone important actually states this to them.

Although, for extra dramatic effect, you could very well NOT introduce the genestealers at that point, and instead let them find out the hard way whilst on the planet. They could be told 1 thing, when in reality they're doing something else.