Author Topic: The Imperium and Perpetual War OOC  (Read 2298 times)

Offline Herald

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 28
The Imperium and Perpetual War OOC
« on: August 22, 2009, 04:40:27 PM »
The conclave's death and subsequent ressurection has inspired me to get writing again. Basically this peice is going to become an overview of this Inquisitor's own philosophy and methods. Originally it was going to be written just as a first person life story style narrative but then i decided to present it in the form of a sort of political manifesto.

His beliefs are inspired in part by 1984.

So yeah basically any feed back would be appreciated.
“A man who joins the Inquisition a radical has no faith, a man who leaves it a puritan has no sense”.

Offline Kallidor

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
  • Departmento Munitorum
Re: The Imperium and Perpetual War OOC
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2009, 10:37:57 PM »
Interesting ideas so far. I like that he sees himself as a defender of the Imperium, not it's people, that really cuts to the heart of why the Imperium and its agents are so harsh, so long as the Imperium endures then Mankind has not been defeated. Interesting stuff.
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Offline Mohauk

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 23
Re: The Imperium and Perpetual War OOC
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2009, 08:38:25 PM »
Intriguing bit of writing there. It's an unusual but very inspired format for a piece, sort of part political agenda part thesis. Nice hints here and there referring to the actions of the protagonist.

Being a comma addict, I may be speaking out of turn, but I think you could use a few more here and there. I find that, in addition to those required by good grammar, most writing suggesting any kind of personality, such as this first person writing, needs a few extras to give it flow and natural form. Try saying it, and in places where you feel the need to pause, throw one in.

Interesting ideas throughout. I'm not sure that I agree with all of them (such as that the added labour from a wartime mentality can outbalance the huge output of ammo/clothes/other resources required) but that's not the point, I suppose. It's only the character's view, and it reads very convincingly.

So thumbs up, looking forward to reading more.

MM.
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting...