Insertion zone OOC

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

I will soon be posting a piece of fiction I am writing which is mainly just a test of my action sequence writing. Feel free to comment once the story is up in In Character.

[Dolnikan]

I like it, especially the short introduction about the characters which will help define them for readers.

[Inquisitor Goldeneye]

I too enjoyed reading this.

Just one technical point; breaking up large blocks of text into paragraphs with a line in-between them makes things a little easier to read, and helps avoid 'Wall of Text' syndrome.

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

At school today, I had a talk for the 1st 5 mins of lunch about what I could improve upon and all he had to say was to add more description to the characters and 40Klore items (chimera+hive cities) as well as some spelling mistakes. He was also very impressed with the sentence structure throughout and at the chapter climax. Just an outside opinion.

[DapperAnarchist]

I'm not sure description of a Chimera is that necessary, any more than description of "a pick-up truck" is necessary when writing fiction set in a rural area. However, a Hive City is an opportunity to stretch descriptions, come up with bizarre and unique concepts...

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

He suggested discriptions for the benefit of non 40K literate people.

[DapperAnarchist]

Well, that's a matter of knowing your audience - when writing an academic essay, I wouldn't necessarily describe what "incommensurability" is, unless I was engaging in a debate where the details of that idea were debated. However, if I were to write an introduction to the philosophy of science, or to the work of Thomas Kuhn, then I would describe it. If writing Star Wars fiction, I might not feel it necessary to describe what a lightsaber is. Is Insertion Zone for a 40K audience, or a broader milSF readership?

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

The way I could work it is to have a conclave/40K literate version and a non 40K literate version.

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

The next instalment will either be up later this evening or early tomorrow morning. this part of the tale is probably  12A due to extreme violence and destruction as seen in any action film.
EDIT: posted.

[Inquisitor Goldeneye]

Nice!

A very dynamic fight-scene, you paint quite a picture. Still, I couldn't help but smile a little when you wrote that seeing himself covered in blue blood made Octavian think of himself as an 'Avatar', very James Cameron!

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

Nice thought there, didn't think of that myself. Also, I have actually changed the storyline a lot from what was scribbled down this morning in registration before lessons began.

[Dolnikan]

I like the effect the carnage has on Octavian, he isn'tsimply killing, he retains his mental faculties and actually does some thinking.

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

Thanks, I am also really enjoying writing this. Most of the 3rd part was written during  sports day (hate the things). In fact, all I did, for about 35/40 mins was sit next to a rugby post, and write using my science folder as a hard surface.

3rd part now posted.

[Inquisitor Octavian Lars]

After a period of idleness, I have finally finished part 4 which is now posted.

[SpanielBear]

Interesting stuff, wheels within wheels within wheels, as Inquisitor should be. One is tempted to add that an Inquisitor who loses his sword is no Inquisitor at all...