Author Topic: Hunter's Reach OOC  (Read 2695 times)

Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

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Hunter's Reach OOC
« on: February 15, 2011, 03:24:49 PM »
Just a little something I'd been meaning to write for ages, my first full foray into the mind of the Astartes. Hope you like it!
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Offline Necris

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2011, 07:08:48 PM »
I liked it very atmospheric and in keeping with an Astartes

there is a small thing nothing major but Raven Guard carry a string of Corvina(sp?) small bird skulls that are marks of honour for a scouts skills in stealth

If and when they die they are taken by one of their brothers back to deliverance.

As I said just a small thing
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Offline Wulf

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2011, 08:08:37 PM »
Nice. Reminded me a bit of Predator (the movie, not the tank) or Rambo.

I liked the atmosphere and the characters started off nicely. The problem I had was that they kept dying before I could really relate to them. Of course, that's kind of to be expected in 40K. I liked the way you portrayed the scouts as adolescents just learning to be soldiers instead of über spec ops commandos. I liked Tyros as a character (of course he then ended up dead as well).

I didn't particularly like was the enemy, or the renegade Space Wolf. I kind of felt let down after the build-up of suspense when the antagonist was revealed as a somewhat pitiful outcast. After the first half of the story, I think I expected a Night Lord or something similar.

Overall, I think you've managed to portray the Astartes nicely and the story kept me interested and entertained from start to beginning. Thumbs up!

Offline Ynek

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2011, 10:20:31 AM »
Pretty awesome story. Very atmospheric and very well written, overall. Well done. ^_^

One small idea (and it's not really a criticism, just an idea) is that given the Raven Guard's large number of genetic defects, and the abominations that can potentially be caused during their accelerated growth methods (as explained in one of the old WD index astartes articles), it might have been more interesting if the monster were actually one of these abominations, rather than a Space Woof.

But that's just my own personal opinion. Obviously, you chose the narrative path that appealed most to you, and it yielded a fun and read, so I'm not complaining. ;)
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Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2011, 10:18:55 PM »
Ah, it's been ages since I looked at this...

Hmm. I like your point- when I wrote this I was thinking mostly about the idea of writing space mairnes (never done it before) and making them slightly less robotic and fearless and with the reality of lone wolves as weaker, pathetic things. I chose the Raven Guasrd after casting the Space Wolf .

The monster from their own Chapter is a nice hook, though. I could have made more of the kinship angle... but it would probably unwittingly bring a whole new theme with it. But y'know, if I was to write this again I'd probably do just that. 
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Offline Inquisitor Goldeneye

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2011, 04:08:42 PM »
...a Space Woof.

A typo, or a subtle joke at the expense of the Sons of Russ?

I only just got around to reading this story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I concur with Wulf when he says that it was interesting to get a look at the Astartes before they become the unstoppable behemoths of death and destruction we all know and love.

I look forward to seeing any future writing efforts you may have up your sleeve.
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Offline Ynek

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Re: Hunter's Reach OOC
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2011, 01:33:24 PM »
A typo, or a subtle joke at the expense of the Sons of Russ?

The latter. ;)

The monster from their own Chapter is a nice hook, though.

The way I saw it, using a monster from their own chapter would add a lot of depth to the piece. The fact that this sergeant, who considers himself to be a fully fledged marine, an "adult wolf" is suddenly faced with the ugly side of his gene-seed for the first time, would probably give him something of a life epithany. A loss of innocence comparable to that of the chapter initiates he was originally supposed to be teaching....


But I digress. The short version is that I thought it was a good story, well written (as always) and skilfully executed. I just felt that there were certain elements that if expanded upon, could have made this good story into a great story...
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