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Darkness and Light New Rp Recruiting

Started by Necris, January 12, 2012, 11:23:21 PM

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Inquisitor Octavian Lars

#75
I wasn't sure how to introduce myself
(i.e. dos and dont's)

I was planing to stow away to the surface in a shuttle and set up a base of operations without the others kniwing, is that OK with the GM.
Velterax III
All my wargaming under one address
http://velterax3chronicles.blogspot.com/

http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1566.0
Insertion Zone. Also on the Velterax III Chronicles.

Always looking for comments

Necris

As you are all part of the same team what point would there be in that?
This here is my very favourite gun...I call her rita.

The Order of the Iron Rose - Necris' Inq28 Plog

Inquisitor Octavian Lars

My character is a bit of a loner and wants to get an insight into their objective. Alone!
Velterax III
All my wargaming under one address
http://velterax3chronicles.blogspot.com/

http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1566.0
Insertion Zone. Also on the Velterax III Chronicles.

Always looking for comments

MarcoSkoll

We'll probably all be splitting up and rejoining each other as we go anyway to investigate different ends.

If he wants to disappear off and not tell anybody after we've reached the surface, then that could work. However, I would warn that total loners aren't hugely interesting from the perspective of a collaborative roleplay.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Inquisitor Octavian Lars

He's not a "total" loner, but prefers to be alone for the most part.
Velterax III
All my wargaming under one address
http://velterax3chronicles.blogspot.com/

http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1566.0
Insertion Zone. Also on the Velterax III Chronicles.

Always looking for comments

MarcoSkoll

I didn't imagine so, but don't let him get too lone-wolf.

Anyway, I'm trying to whip up something. Gala's amongst the least scary/least resentful/most sociable of the team, so it would make sense for her to lead some of the introductions here.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Koval

I'll get something together once I've had a chance to get in and sit down.

Inquisitor Sargoth

#82
Busy tonight and tomorrow, but might have some time to throw something together on a train. Is there perhaps a small order of tech-adepts in charge of the skyhook's maintenance? Any AdMech prescence will be Lina's first port of call.
One More Hit - A tale of addiction.

Dolnikan

Nachtigaller will probably end up going through the enforcer's archives hoping to find something they overlooked. Other than that I don't yet know what to do next.
Circles of the wise My attempt at writing something, please comment on it if you have any advise.

Macabre

Second post. I took a few liberties. I hope you guys don't mind.
++Believe the lie. Trust no one++

Koval

Have rather failed to do as I said I would. Apologies. Got distracted, then did stuff for other projects. My memory is apparently leaking.

Inquisitor Octavian Lars

Posted up Matthew's intro. HOpe I did nothing stupid.
Velterax III
All my wargaming under one address
http://velterax3chronicles.blogspot.com/

http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1566.0
Insertion Zone. Also on the Velterax III Chronicles.

Always looking for comments

Necris

Sargy - Yes of course I totally forgot to mention the Ad-mech presence

They more or less control the skyhook with a hefty contingent of Militiamen to act are guards and customs enforcers they control the rest,

I'd go so far as to say that they keep themselves to themselves perhaps only inhabiting the orbital section of the skyhook with only a handful on the other end
This here is my very favourite gun...I call her rita.

The Order of the Iron Rose - Necris' Inq28 Plog

MarcoSkoll

#88
Quote from: Macabre on February 02, 2012, 09:42:32 PMI took a few liberties.
Hmm. I was expecting we would spend a little while investigating the orbital end of the skyhook (after all, it's an important location) but I suppose there's no real reason the group couldn't have split up already.

Quote from: Inquisitor Octavian Lars on February 02, 2012, 10:02:53 PMPosted up Matthew's intro. Hope I did nothing stupid.
If you'll accept a bit of a critique...

As far as the writing, in several places it errs towards "Tell" rather than "Show".

To demonstrate these points, showing a conversation would be:
Quote"Hello, how are you?"
"... Wha? Oh, it's you, barely recognised you there for a moment. To tell you the truth, I am absolutely exhausted. The weather means the kids are off school, so I have to work with them running rampant in the background - so I can't sleep properly because I'm stressing out about the projects I'm behind on."
"Well, you do tend to drink a lot of coffee while you're working. Maybe if you laid off it in the evenings, there'd be less chance of the caffeine keeping you awake."
"I dunno. Half the time I think it's what's keeping me awake... but yeah, you're probably right. I'll give it a go and see how that turns out."

Telling it would be:
QuoteSimon spoke to Kevin, who wasn't sleeping well. Simon suggested he drink less coffee, and Kevin agreed.

The latter is a less interesting narrative, simply because... well, it's bland.

There's a bit of the vice versa too, drifting into over-detail. The gun section goes a bit too in depth, with an excess of information. We don't need to know the exact number of seconds it takes to reload (and indeed, going too in-depth can be more prone to inaccuracies*).

*You're mixing up some of the terms in some fashion. I think you're referring to a belt-feed box as a box magazine, and a box magazine as a clip, but I'm not entirely sure!

However, those are writing skills that will develop with time and practice.

The big point to bring up is that you're losing other characters' characters in your writing.

Dreki is a marksman too. So is there any real reason that Matthew needs to be/should be better than him?
If anything, Dreki is 8 years older and has dedicated himself to mastering only one gun. He would know that rifle back to front and sideways.

On a similar point, I'm not sure if Dreki would defer to Matthew. Whether Matthew is better or not, would Dreki necessarily a) agree with that or b) take that well?
(Although whatever you do, don't get into "Dreki won't accept Matthew's skill/is envious of Matthew and is therefore a bad person".)

And Gala, being somewhat "by the book", wouldn't think very highly of anyone going "lone wolf" and outside of the control or contact of the team, so her agreement with such plans would be tentative or outright non-existent.
(In fact, I wouldn't hugely recommend telling her you're planning on running off.)

You need to think a bit more about whether something is actually how the character would react or simply how you would like the character to react.
Mind you, don't take this badly. This is a skill that takes a bit of practice to get right, particularly when getting into the swing of a new RP where you're still getting a grip on the other characters.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Inquisitor Octavian Lars

#89
It's also my first RP, so I was unsure, but wanted to try and make Matthew's character more open to the rest of you.
Would ammo-hopper be acceptable?
Velterax III
All my wargaming under one address
http://velterax3chronicles.blogspot.com/

http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1566.0
Insertion Zone. Also on the Velterax III Chronicles.

Always looking for comments