Author Topic: The Mouse, the Lion and the Eagle Feedback Thread  (Read 1891 times)

Offline Jamas Orian

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The Mouse, the Lion and the Eagle Feedback Thread
« on: August 25, 2010, 09:04:58 AM »
As it says on the tin =]. Comments and critique welcomed.

Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: The Mouse, the Lion and the Eagle Feedback Thread
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2010, 12:34:42 AM »
Some spelling errors fixed and some more added.

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: The Mouse, the Lion and the Eagle Feedback Thread
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2010, 12:51:36 AM »
I haven't read the next part yet, but I'd REALLY say that you should put new passages in as a new post. I know most forums frown on double posting, but it is important here.

It's much harder to pick up where you've left off without the post breaks to make it clearer where the new segments are.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Jamas Orian

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Re: The Mouse, the Lion and the Eagle Feedback Thread
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2010, 09:27:58 AM »
Righto =]