While there's not a particular problem with that post Kallidor, a couple of notes.
1) The Betcher's gland is one of the organs the Astral Jackals don't have. Their missing organs are something of a old shame to the chapter, but...
2) ... with the pride the Jackals take in their geneseed, to suggest that an organ is flawed is about as serious an insult as you can get.
D'Nim isn't known for physical violence in retaliation to an insult, but people should bear in mind that he isn't going to just stand there and take insults from bastards to the Space Marine ideal.
The likely sentence for repeat offence is rather rude.
Possibly like this.