Author Topic: Lux Eterna OOC  (Read 8542 times)

Offline Baraltax

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #15 on: January 10, 2010, 04:43:45 PM »
I'm following your story with interest. The story line seems solid and intriguing, making me wonder what it'll turn out to be. And it's well written.

I'm missing a bit of flavour though. The surrounding world might need some fleshing out, in my opinion. It might be your rightful choice to concentrate more on the plot and actions, of course, but for the moment I can't really imaging how the surrounding looks like, the character of it etc. safe the fact its Hive.

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2010, 07:38:39 AM »
Ok, thanks for the feedback. I'll try to describe his surroundings a little more. Part of me feels it's a little reflective of his character; straightforward, and he already knows the place. As he ventures into places he hasn't been, I'll probably start adding more description.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2010, 12:12:33 PM »
Ok. Sorry there hasn't been an update for a few days, but I'm actually at a drama workshop. However, that finishes on Friday, so I might to be able to do a short update then. In the meantime, feel free to discuss where you think the story's going, my writing skills, my general sanity, etc, etc.

To get some discussion started I'll ask a question: What do you guys think the alien menace in my story is? 
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #18 on: January 16, 2010, 10:21:00 AM »
Another update!!!!! I spoil you people, I really do ;D

Tried to put a little more description into this bit, but I'm not sure it worked. Maybe it just isn't my style.

Anyway people, tell me what you think. You know you want to  ;)
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Zephon

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2010, 04:33:28 PM »
It's great, what with the mystery aliens and the suspense slowly building. How's Fabio going to end up not knowing what happened? No, don't tell me, I like the suspense.

Hmm, alien menace... some kind of vampire? That cloud thing from Star Trek? Lacrymoles?

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2010, 09:06:19 AM »
Ok, not much going on here in the way of discussion, so I think I'll reveal the aliens in the next update or so. Plus, I want to get this moving along, as school starts on the 1st of February.

Might get an update finished tomorrow.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2010, 05:56:15 AM »
Update!!!!

I once again tried putting more description into it, and I think it worked better this time. Probably because I'm taking the character where he hasn't been before (in my mind).

Tell me what you think. To me, it's quite obvious what the antagonist race is in this, but maybe you people haven't been picking up on the little hints I've been dropping throughout the story.

Anyway, the aliens should be revealed in some form or another in the next up date, so keep wondering until then!
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Baraltax

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2010, 05:46:43 PM »
I agree, it worked well there. I have the feeling that the Inquisitor is now grounded in the universe, that he is part of a surrounding, interacting with the world around rather than somewhere floating about. It immediatly gives the setting more flavour. The contrast between the sleek upper hive and the grim underhive is clear.

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #23 on: January 24, 2010, 01:51:05 AM »
Good. I'll be getting to work oon the next bit soon.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #24 on: January 25, 2010, 02:48:33 AM »
Update!!!! And the aliens are revealed at last!!!!!

Yes, I may have toyed around with the genestealer biology a bit, but since I'm using a Hive Fleet of my own creation, that's ok.

Now discuss!!!! How will Jorken get out alive? Will he get out alive? What happened to Fabio?
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2010, 08:18:33 AM »
Another update, and, I think, the only one so far without dialogue.

I entitle it "Jorken vs Genestealer"

Everyone enjoying the story so far?
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #26 on: February 07, 2010, 09:15:56 AM »
Another short update. Sorry it's so short, but I'm kind of tired after going to see "Peter Grimes" at the opera last night.

However, I now have an urge to sculpt a 54 mm model, based on the hybrid Fabio's fighting. Don't expect anything, but I'm just putting it out there.

So, any questions?
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #27 on: February 07, 2010, 10:49:25 AM »
It's good so far. I haven't got all that much to say, but I like what you're doing.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

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Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #28 on: February 07, 2010, 10:51:08 AM »
Thankyou for posting anyway :)

I was getting kinda lonely after I posted here four times without a reply.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #29 on: February 07, 2010, 11:10:27 AM »
Oh, I know that feeling... "Is anyone actually reading this?"
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles