Author Topic: Wargaming for poets - discussion  (Read 13593 times)

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Wargaming for poets - discussion
« on: June 03, 2010, 06:47:46 PM »
I decided to turn my questionable 'talents' upon you all, so tremble! My favourite method of writing has always been poetry, so i decided i might turn my hand to some 40K inspired poetry.

It's not very good, i know, I'm writing it mainly for laughs. If you want to know the prosody, it's iambic quadrameter (or is meant to be) with an A-B rhyme scheme.

Feel free to tell me what you think - i'm considering this good 'practice' for my regular, more serious poetry writing, so any comments, constructive criticism and/or opinions would be appreciated and welcomed. Don't be worried about telling me if you don't like it - I shan't mind.

If you like it, I might try writing some more and then post that in - i'll see how this rather short piece goes down. I imagined it to be Imperial sponsored war poetry, a bit like how certain poets and artists signed up to support their country with their works during the World Wars. Thus i know bits of it are outright lies ('Our rulers help to serve our need' - as if!), but it's meant to feel like propaganda.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2010, 06:52:11 PM by Brother_Brimstone »

Offline Herald

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 28
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2010, 07:03:49 PM »
It's interesting to see poetry on here it doesn't happen very often. Like you it's my favourite way of writing and also my favourite to read.

Also interesting that you went for Imperial stuff first as normally i've seen it used in relation to daemons and the like as prophecy.

Obviously propoganda-esque but that seems fitting for the Imperium and just the kind of thing they might well use.

So basically what i'm saying is I enjoyed reading it and would love to see more so keep it up.
EDIT:
Having read it again there's one line that doesn't quite seem to work. Bear in mind I am no expert on all the nuances of prosody the line "The alien we always purge," seems like it would fit better with an extra syllable perhaps a "will" between "we" and "always". That is however just my very very humble and amateur opinion.

Also it's inspired me to try my hand at some similar 40k poetry.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2010, 07:10:01 PM by Herald »
“A man who joins the Inquisition a radical has no faith, a man who leaves it a puritan has no sense”.

Offline Shannow

  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 793
  • I'm like Dark Eldar with souls,,,,but with cookies
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2010, 07:33:50 PM »
I would just like to echo the sentiments, of poetry being my preferred method of communicating thought to paper.

I like what you've written, I think it has a well balanced level of passion without being over zealous :)

I always struggle to write in a style adherent to a rhythm and as such it always becomes a little abstract and sharp (much like nietzsches poems if you happen to have read any).

I look forward to seeing more of your work.

EDIT: Having read through a few more times and reading out loud so I definitely keep to the rhythm its written in, it really is rather good!! Ever considered working for labour? They could do with a new spin doctor :P
« Last Edit: June 03, 2010, 09:09:55 PM by Shannow »
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Time to die.

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2010, 07:44:45 PM »
Thanks very much for the input, iambic quadrameter dictates there should be 8 syllables per line, in pairs, with stress on the second so;

The-A-li-en-we-al-ways-purge
1      2 3  4   5    6     7        8

That was my reasoning, maybe it's just what i call an 'awkward rhyme' - technically fits the prosody and rhyme scheme of a poem but just doesn't 'sound right'.

Anyway thanks for the kind words, i was revising today and idly making rhymes alongside my notes and then it just struck me; 'why not try some Imperial war poetry?'. I'd never seen any before so i thought it might be a good experiment.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing your poetry, be it Nietzsche-esche (not read too much of his poetry, but i've read 'Beyond Good And Evil) or otherwise. It seems we have more 'closet poets' than i'd expected!

Offline Kallidor

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
  • Departmento Munitorum
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2010, 08:11:24 PM »
Excellent, very enjoyable to read and fits the Imperium mindset very well, very patriotic; now you just need to do a few dozen more  ;D
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Offline Shannow

  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 793
  • I'm like Dark Eldar with souls,,,,but with cookies
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2010, 08:26:45 PM »
Just so I'm sure and don't accidentally offend; if I write a poem can I post it in the same thread as your poem Brother_Brimstone?
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Time to die.

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2010, 08:31:46 PM »
Yes, that's absolutely no problem; it's rather how i'd intended it to be - a thread where anyone who has some 40k inspired poetry can post it and then discuss what they'd writtien in this thread, if they wish. So, if anyone has any grimdark poetry they want to contribute - go for it! It combines two of my favourite past times, poetry and Inquisitor!

Offline greenstuff_gav

  • Chief Enginseer
  • Administrator
  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 1261
  • Greenstuff Monkey
    • Build Your Imagination
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2010, 09:04:40 PM »
iambic quadrameter

curse those Iambians!  ;D

can't really comment on the poetry but those two words amused me for some strange reason  ;D
i make no apologies, i warned you my ability to roll ones was infectious...

Build Your Imagination

Offline Herald

  • Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 28
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2010, 09:10:31 PM »
You're right and now I read it again it sounds fine. I think the problem before was just my lazy pronunciation of alien as a two syllable word not a three syllable word so a-lien as opposed to a-li-en if that makes sense?
“A man who joins the Inquisition a radical has no faith, a man who leaves it a puritan has no sense”.

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2010, 09:28:55 PM »
can't really comment on the poetry but those two words amused me for some strange reason  ;D

Whatever floats your boat  ;) (sorry, couldn't resist).

As for syllabic pronunciation it makes perfect sense. There were various words that I was going to use in that poem that I omitted because i was unsure of syllables in them. Some words are very difficult to count the syllables of. One that always gets me, for instance, is oil. You can say it oil (1 syllable) or (and i write this phonetically) oy-il.

Anyway, thanks for the posts, look forward to seeing others' poems.

Offline Shannow

  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 793
  • I'm like Dark Eldar with souls,,,,but with cookies
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2010, 12:26:29 AM »
Well having finished my exams earlier today and really enjoyed Brother_Brimstones poem I had a go myself.

Void Dreams is just the thoughts of a void born. I thought it would be odd if they were to consider life on planets to be always pleasant and nice, compared to the reality of underhive scull-duggery.

Comments and critics always nice.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Time to die.

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2010, 01:17:16 AM »
Very nice; beautiful imagery (i especially like the imagery of 'metallic womb') and yet i get the sense of a somewhat distant, cold melancholy - it feels almost detatched, yet still emotionally charged. Interesting subject matter as well, not something i'd considered, so it also ticks the box of 'makes me think of something in a different light' (which is something poetry seems to do for me much more than any other medium).

Definitely a good poem, with a great structure, it was a great read, thanks for contributing!

Offline Brother_Brimstone

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 481
  • Dubium sapientiae initium
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2010, 11:00:03 AM »
Another quick one - this time about travelling through the warp. I wanted to highlight the faith that the crew of the vessel must have to put in the Emperor to travel in the warp - they trust their very souls to him while demons tear at the hull; pretty scary stuff.

Anyway, this will probably be my last for a few weeks, as i should really probably focus more on my revision...,
« Last Edit: June 04, 2010, 11:02:21 AM by Brother_Brimstone »

Offline Shannow

  • Grand Lord Inquisitor
  • *****
  • Posts: 793
  • I'm like Dark Eldar with souls,,,,but with cookies
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2010, 01:46:05 PM »
I have to say reading your latest one, it made me feel quite sombre as it felt like a very slow and powerful analogy of life as well as giving me this image in my head of a warp crew fighting through the ship shaking and feeling like it breaking apart, with a kind of serene calm that comes with absolute faith.

Very good poem, I like the fact that (to me at least) it sort of builds to a crescendo at the makeshift ship line then comes back down again in sort of 'but it doesn't matter we are safe under him' sort of way.

On another note I sympathise with your revision, luckily I finished my 2nd year exams yesterday. Good luck with revision and exams and look forward to more poems when your done :)
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Time to die.

Offline Kallidor

  • Inquisitor Lord
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
  • Departmento Munitorum
Re: Wargaming for poets - discussion
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2010, 03:13:41 PM »
@ Shannow: I liked Void Dreams, it gives me two impressions of someone void-born, reflecting on ship life and their duties to the Emperor and yet it could also be a hiver, watching ships and imagining escape from a terrible life. Good stuff.

@ Brother Brimstone: I found the last two stanza in Light in the Darkness particularlly powerful imagery. With daemons and the warp being made of emotions to have the crew feel those emotions washing through the ship is very evocotive. I also found the the calm faith in the Emperor, as a benevolent father rather than a brooding, crushing presence refreshing.
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!