Hello there. below are the backgrounds for a few of my =I= characters, and id love for you background-knowledgeable people to pick out anything or give advice about them!
any C&C most appreciated!
first up:
Lukas Flint, Ecclesiarchy missionary.
Serving the Ecclesiarchy for over thirty years, Missionary Lukas Flint is not ignorant of the horrors facing humanity. Preaching alongside Imperial guard regiments and Adeptas Sororitas in several crusades, Flint is no newcomer to the life of space travel. Spreading the Emperor's Holy Word on numerous planets and bringing faith and order to lost individuals, Lukas has served the Ecclesiarchy meticulously. His belief unshakeable and his ability to endure war and hardship earned him respect and admiration with his peers. The Ecclesiarchy valued his subservient yet ambitious ways, and on several occasions offered him a high position in the Ministorum for his duty. Flint would always gratefully decline these offerings, claiming that his place was in the forefront of the Emperor's service, face to face with those that needed him. Not unused to battle, flint spent almost a decade within the vast war machine of the Imperial Guard, and as a result has grown a tough skin and stern mind. On Cannides IV, Flint lost an eye whilst preaching the holy word from the cupola of a chimera, and although the shrapnel that caused the injury became lodged in his cranium, he continued to chant incessantly, spurring on the regiments of guardsmen below him. The Ecclesiarchy rewarded the missionary with the title of Regulum Sanctus and gifted him a blessed bolt weapon once used by a sainted canoness of the sisterly Order of the Ebon Chalice. Lukas Flint still undertakes the same back-breaking roles of devotion he did fifteen years ago, acting as a steadfast rock of faith amongst the rank and file. Flint despises the more extremist cults of worship, stating that a steady faith in His protection is all that is required. Maintaining and upholding the word of the God-Emperor above all else, he spreads the light of the Ecclesiarchy to the far flung corners of the darkest worlds. However, the missionary currently no longer serves within the Regiments of the Guard, Adeptus Sororitas or the Ministorum. Chance would have it that following the eradication of the Greenskin presence on Galanor, a member of the Holy Orders of the Emperor's Inquisition requested the service of this pious individual. The infamously disruptive Drachtenburg of the Ordo Xenos claimed Lukas for the divine service of the Imperium and Emperor. Flint not only acts as a strong willed warrior, but also as the radical Inquisitor's link to the more puritan organizations within the Imperium, including the Adeptus Administratum, the Ministorum, Adeptus Terra and the Ecclesiarchy. Drachtenburg in return gives Flint free range to spread the Word of the Emperor amongst the stars.
"Lukas is my tool amongst the narrow-minded. He does my bidding within the fanatical organizations of religious bureaucracy. His wealth of knowledge on the workings of the Administratum and Ecclesiarchy is invaluable. He is unfortunately pious and staunch with his beliefs, and would give his life for the Imperium without a questioning thought." --- Inquisitor Drachtenburg of the Ordo Xenos.
"He really believes in all that Holy stuff. I mean, where was the "divine Emperor" when I was getting chased by Xenarch in the Ang'hurr deserts?" --- Gavroche Strident, mercenary.
Use Paragraphs, for a start.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMServing the Ecclesiarchy for over thirty years, Missionary Lukas Flint is not ignorant of the horrors facing humanity. Preaching alongside Imperial guard regiments and Adeptas Sororitas in several crusades
It's
Adepta Sororitas
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMFlint is no newcomer to the life of space travel.
Of course not, he's been a missionary for over 30 years. Kind of comes with the territory.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMSpreading the Emperor's Holy Word on numerous planets and bringing faith and order to lost individuals, Lukas has served the Ecclesiarchy meticulously. His belief unshakeable and his ability to endure war and hardship earned him respect and admiration with his peers.
You're missing a word there, before "earned". I'll let you figure out which one
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMThe Ecclesiarchy valued his subservient yet ambitious ways, and on several occasions offered him a high position in the Ministorum for his duty. Flint would always gratefully decline these offerings, claiming that his place was in the forefront of the Emperor's service, face to face with those that needed him.
I think you're ascribing far too much free will to the concept of advancement in the Ministorum. Declining an advancement would probably be akin to shirking your duty. not a good thing.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMNot unused to battle, flint spent almost a decade within the vast war machine of the Imperial Guard, and as a result has grown a tough skin and stern mind. On Cannides IV, Flint lost an eye whilst preaching the holy word from the cupola of a chimera
God I love this, it's hilarious
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMand although the shrapnel that caused the injury became lodged in his cranium, he continued to chant incessantly, spurring on the regiments of guardsmen below him. The Ecclesiarchy rewarded the missionary with the title of Regulum Sanctus
"Minor king of the Sacred"? that's rather redundant given that, as a Missionary, he has a Mission to attend to somewhere.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMand gifted him a blessed bolt weapon once used by a sainted canoness of the sisterly Order of the Ebon Chalice.
For being too stubborn to die? seems like a pretty big reward for being too stupid to use a vox.
also, minor point but "The Ecclesiarchy" doesn't really do these things, members of the ecclesiarchy do. Saying the Ecclesiarchy did it kind of emplies the whole organisation moved as one to give Stubborn McNoEye a shiny bolt pistol.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMLukas Flint still undertakes the same back-breaking roles of devotion he did fifteen years ago, acting as a steadfast rock of faith amongst the rank and file.
Or, he could go back to his Mission. Because he's a Misssionary
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMFlint despises the more extremist cults of worship, stating that a steady faith in His protection is all that is required. Maintaining and upholding the word of the God-Emperor above all else, he spreads the light of the Ecclesiarchy to the far flung corners of the darkest worlds.
MISSIONARYQuote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 01:25:24 AMHowever, the missionary currently no longer serves within the Regiments of the Guard, Adeptus Sororitas or the Ministorum. Chance would have it that following the eradication of the Greenskin presence on Galanor, a member of the Holy Orders of the Emperor's Inquisition requested the service of this pious individual. The infamously disruptive Drachtenburg of the Ordo Xenos claimed Lukas for the divine service of the Imperium and Emperor. Flint not only acts as a strong willed warrior, but also as the radical Inquisitor's link to the more puritan organizations within the Imperium, including the Adeptus Administratum, the Ministorum, Adeptus Terra and the Ecclesiarchy. Drachtenburg in return gives Flint free range to spread the Word of the Emperor amongst the stars.
Nothing wrong here, just bear in mind "Radical" and "Puritan" aren't clubs you join with their own membership badges and uniforms, they're extremes on a scale of ideology. You can be a radical Inquisitor and still have good links with the so-called "puritan" institutions without needing a missionary to act as a buffer.
I'd like to quote for you one line from the Codex Imperialis on the subject of missionaries:
Quote"Missionaries run charitable institutions called Missions"
Might want to keep that in mind, because it appears that Lukas hasn't done that EVER, in over 30 years of service, so in what way is he a missionary?
So aside from basically not conforming to the core requirements of his job description, rather like a Luddite techpriest, he's not that bad.
aha thank you Charax for illuminating me!
Yes, i think i was getting confused as to what a missionary is! would he be better off as a preacher in that case?
QuoteDeclining an advancement would probably be akin to shirking your duty. not a good thing.
-- Very good point. duly noted!
QuoteQuote from: seaglen on Today at 01:25:24 AM
Not unused to battle, flint spent almost a decade within the vast war machine of the Imperial Guard, and as a result has grown a tough skin and stern mind. On Cannides IV, Flint lost an eye whilst preaching the holy word from the cupola of a chimera
God I love this, it's hilarious
-- is that sarcasm? can't tell if you think its a good thing or too cliche.
many thanks for the feedback!
quick update.
here's another WIP character: JOnah, a sactioned psyker....
Known to manically cackle at jokes before they had been said, annoyingly predict people's questions and fry the electrical systems of household devices, Jonah was never liked as a child. Taken from his home planet by Imperial authorities to the Black Ships, it is safe to say that the early life of De'Valey was both painful and traumatic. However, as his powers and control increased under the vigilant gaze of the Adeptus Astra Telepathica, he was soon granted the sanction to live amongst humans again in service to the Imperial Guard of the 124th Jezzails, located in the Garill sector.
Instantly disliked and shunned due to his icy presence and mysterious powers, the regiment still appreciated his ability and acknowledged that he had saved several of their skins during the service he provided. Constantly leaning on his battered force staff and dribbling from his split and cracked lips, Jonah was never truly in a state of comfort. Upon Inquisitor Lucypher arriving in the Garill sector over 5 years ago, he has been under the young Inquisitor's control. This bides well for the deranged psyker who, under Lucypher's watchful eye, is allowed free reign of his powers and has access to texts and lore forbidden to most.
Jonah's power of telekinesis has reached new heights, and he now has formidable control over his ability to conjure bolts of energy, fields of protective power and predict the future to a small degree. De'Valey works exclusively for Lucypher, and is eternally grateful that the Inquisitor saved him from an almost certain agonizing death in the regiments of the Imperial Guard. Although more than a little mad and socially inept, he has proven on countless times to be a valuable tool in Lucypher's arsenal when it comes to rogue psykers and denizens of the warp.
Quote from: seaglen on August 07, 2011, 09:22:33 AM
-- is that sarcasm? can't tell if you think its a good thing or too cliche.
no, I just find it funny in the same way I find tank commanders with chainswords funny. He was preaching from the top of a tank, negating the significant protection that *being in a tank* provides, and lost an eye because he was being stupid.
Funny, and good character development.
Anyway, on to the psyker:
He's a bit generic.
I mean, there's nothing especially
wrong with his background, it's just the same background you'd expect from a Sanctioned Psyker.
also the drooling is a tiny bit jarring.
and his range of powers is a little odd. Telepathy, Telekinesis and something like Machine Empathy?
aha, yes, the "drive me closer, so i can hit them with my chainsword" effect!
as for the psyker, yes my thought exactly. he is pretty standard. i want a pretty pathetic, insane (to some degree) and twitchy guy, kinda like the Dawn of War psyker voice. any idea how to flesh him out and make him more interesting but still keep him within the realms of a believable loyal sanctioned psyker?
I'd like to quote for you one line from the Codex Imperialis on the subject of missionaries:
Quote
"Missionaries run charitable institutions called Missions"
Might want to keep that in mind, because it appears that Lukas hasn't done that EVER, in over 30 years of service, so in what way is he a missionary?
This seems to be a case of non-overlapping canon (if you'll pardon the pun). From 4th ed rulebook Heroes of the Imperium Army List:
There are many types of missionary - from the young fervent hopefuls who spread the word of the Imperial Creed with little guidance and support from the Adeptus Ministorum, to the ancient, wise and toughened members of the Missionarias Galaxia. These individuals are at the forefront of the Imperium's expansion, accompanying the crusading armies as they discover new worlds, contact lost civilisations and push back the frontiers of the Emperor's holy domain.
...and then they found and tend to Missions to bring the Creed to those rediscovered people. which you'd think would have happened in 30 years
Well, whether he calls himself a missionary or actually performs said role is not that important, people call themselves a lot of things - look at anyone's CV. However, he is obviously extremely militant in his background having spent most of his career bolstering the spirit of front-line troops and smiting the Imperium's foes. All well and good, and he's given a special bolter (why not, he's going to use it; does it have sanctified rounds etc?), but what I don't get is his
Quotelink to the more puritan organizations within the Imperium, including the Adeptus Administratum, the Ministorum, Adeptus Terra and the Ecclesiarchy
That's a
lot of contacts to develop for someone who spent his time in a war zone attached to a Guard Regiment; the front line (zone, continent or planet) not normally being a location for large numbers of Administratum REMF types to congregate and backslap each other.
He strikes me as someone who's more likely to be rewarded with the post of a senior Drill Abbot where he can both disseminate the Emperor's Truth and instil a bit of martial steel into the Schola's charges. He may well have refused this honour so far, hence his attachment to the Inquisition, but being offered a desk where he can preach the good word via organising the distribution of altar vestments or organise the Dioceses sub-committee roster doesn't quite sit with me.
Since he's joined an Inquisitor specialising in the Xeno, I do wonder quite what his role is. Sure, he can bolster the spirit of his fellow acolytes etc in the face of the insidious enticements of the honey-tounged Eldar (err...being called Monkey-Boy a lot?), but the Ork is not much of a threat to spiritual well-being.
many thanks for the feedback.
yes this missionary business is confusing, but whatever the label, he has basically been on the front lines spouting imperial creed for a while.
FLINTY: good point about the fact that his list of friends on facebook may be limited due to his involvement in so many front line actions. duly noted.
As his role in the inquisitors warband, the said inquisitor holds a radical veiwpoint concernind the way in which the imperium deals with xenos, plus he is a super duper recongregator. as such i see the inquisitor as very disruptive and not liked very much in the huge organisations and beraucracy that goes along with them. due to Lukas' ministorum background, he is seen as a learned man and being of the clergy, he is also trusted. the inquisitor uses flint as a front to mingle in the ministorum and to meddle about in archives of the adeptus terra.
as for the bolter, he doesnt have sanctified rounds, but carries two inferno rounds. which he uses only on the most basest and diabolic of foes.
Quotewise and toughened members of the Missionarias Galaxia. These individuals are at the forefront of the Imperium's expansion, accompanying the crusading armies
this sums him up very well indeed.
many thanks for the feedback once again!
It seems the forums ate my last attempt to post on this one...
It's important to note that a mission does not have to be a physical location, his mission could be (for example) the 59th Howdwardun Rifles.
Such an assignment would likely be unsanctioned by the military heirarchy (or rather unofficially sanctioned) and its highly unlikely he'd be in circulation after 30 years. Either the Regiment would have been wiped out or it would have completed its deployment and settled on one of the conquered worlds (in which case he could have established a physical Mission)... But it's a mission with a fairly low survival rate TBH as he's stuck between the Commisariate and the grunts, with none of the protections of either.
Regarding high office...
Others may disagree on this but to my mind high office within the Ecclesiarchy does not come from being a good preacher but from either political accumen (which this guy doesn't have) or advantage of birth (which this guy doesn't have). The church has roles for preachers, roles for theologians and roles for polititians and there is very little crossover between the three.
Pope Alexander VI for example did not rise to power on the strengths of his sermons.
It's also highly unlikely that he would be offered positions and refuse them (again from my perspective YMMV) as he's likely to be sounded out by his Bishop's Archdeacon regaring the possibility before its offered and (in the case that he seems unlikely to accept... in this case for example) then he'll just be crossed off the list of possibles for the position and the offer will never be made.
Again it's entirely my own perspective but I would suggest that the Ecclesiarchy find men to fill positions rather than promoting them in exchange for good work/aptittude...etc. They may try to find the most apt and deserving individual to fill those positions but that is secondary to actually ensuring that such and such a parish has a priest.