So, over the past (wait, how long? Really? Oh dear...) well, quite a while, I've been drafting up a new Sourcebook, to go along with the Thorian, Recongregator, Istvaanian, and Amalathian ones already around. This one is for a home-brew faction, the Mendozians. Named after a brief paragraph which I'm pretty sure I found in the first Warhammer 40000 Compendium, though I may be wrong, they're the intellectual and ideological descendants of the infamous Inquisitor Xavier Mendoza. The short version is - they're Inquisitors who distrust and actively oppose the Astartes, Loyalist or Traitor, and have a reputation for hunting them. The long version, including some sample characters, a history of the Mendozians, discussion of their relationships with other Inquisitors and the Ordos, and some very, very, very powerful weapons (suitable for killing the Angels of Death), is HERE (https://www.dropbox.com/sh/e290c32u5hv9huf/AABmWcwfJGpd8sgtaYElOM0Ba).
This is a first draft take on it, so any feedback would be welcome! As would any pictures people are happy to donate to the project - currently, we have one attempt at digital painting by me, and a bit of photoeditting of an image provided by Greenstuff Gav.
I've downloaded the sourcebook and will give it a read. Might take a couple of weeks for feedback to appear. I've got photos you could use too: a Celestial Lions scout and a Relictor. I'll link to them when I have the feedback!
Ruaridh
Rightio, I have some feedback:
I like the idea of the Mendozian Faction. The independence of the Astartes can easily be construed as a threat to the Imperium, and moderate Mendozians clamouring for greater constraints on the Astartes could almost be seen as a day-to-day occurrence within the Imperium, just as some Inquisitors vie for more powers over the Ecclesiarchy, Rogue Traders, Navigators or Mechanicus. More extremist views would point out that the Horus Heresy began with the legions, not the Army, Fleet or Mechanicus, and therefore it was taint within the geneseed that led to the fall. It could be construed that if Horus hadn't committed to the Istvaan drop site massacres and forced the Emperor's hand, all of the legions would have fallen to chaos worship eventually.
There's a bit of an issue with the timeline: the Inquisition was not formed until the 32nd millennium (Thorian Sourcebook), and the battle of Terra was 012.M31. Mendoza could have been a powerful individual in the early Imperium who took vengeance on the Astartes, and his acts were later celebrated by an Inquisitor proper.
Alternatively, Mendoza could have been an Inquisitor at the time of the Badab war. This conflict drew in many chapters through ancient oaths of loyalty - a dangerous precedent for when chapters go rogue or are corrupted by Chaos. Even if you weren't keen to move Mendoza to the 41st millennium, the Badab war is perfect for re-popularising the Mendozian Faction.
I did a wee spot of proof reading too, and noticed the following:
Page 1, Paragraph 4, 1st sentence: 'hold only that the Astartes Chapters are dangerous.' Seems a bit ambiguous. Perhaps try: 'hold that ostensibly "loyal" chapters and their secretive agendas are a grave threat to the Imperium.'
Page 2, Paragraph 1, 1st sentence: 'dedicate themselves entire'... Should be 'entirely.'
I think the rules for Outek's Sin could do with some tweaking. If we were using the space marine rules from the Apocrypha Angeli Mortis article from Dark Magenta 2, then Outek's Sin isn't really the lethal agent it could be. Outek's Sin stuns the space marine if he fails a Toughness test, but this isn't likely due to the benefits of the marine's special organs: The secondary heart allows the marine to ignore the first stunned result every turn, the preomnor gives a +10% bonus to resist ingested poisons! the multi lung gives a +10% bonus to resist gaseous toxins, and the oolitic kidney allows the marine to re-roll failed resistance tests, and gives a +10% bonus to further tests while unconscious. I think the simplest fix would be state that the space marine's organs offer no protection from this toxin.
I promised a couple of pictures too. Here is the Relictor (http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y283/vanhelser/Finished%20Models/DSCN11580011.jpg) and here is the Celestial Lions scout (http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y283/vanhelser/DSC_0134_zps30b2fc87.jpg). Both chapters may have had run ins with Mendozians!
Ruaridh
On the timeline; unless I'm mistaken, 012.M31 is the 32nd millenium in the same way that we're now in the third millenium AD (or CE as one prefers). Certainly there is a colour text in the rulebook, stating that the Inquisitorial Representative joined the High Lords of Terra on the first anniversary of the Emperor's Ascension. So the Inquisition would have formed in time to recruit orphans and other survivors of the Siege of Terra.
As to the faction, I like it. The Inquisition has to assess every threat, within or without, and the Adeptus Astartes are technically both. Game-wise it's a good excuse to have a Marine on the table, facing off against a warband or two. And on a personal note, I've been cooking up a rogue Astartes character with a recongregator bent, playing off the independence of the chapters So a sect of inquisitors whose prejudices he can vindicate will be a great foil!
I've found a few sentences I'd change here and there, in addition to Van Helser's suggestions. Would you prefer that I list them on here or send via PM? The 'Why play a Mendozian?' section has a misplaced sentence-fragment, but otherwise it's minor tweaks.
As to the armoury, the last sentence of Phasic Bullets could do with clarifying, I think. Does "psychic protection" include the force field armour from Psychic Shield and the like? In which case, "Phasic Bullets cannot bypass armour, forcefields and other protection resulting from psychic powers however." might be a better wording.
The Toughness penalty from Outek's Sin seems a little small to me too. Testing on half Toughness for a rulebook Astartes still gives a stat of 75, after all. For a Dark Magenta Marine, Van Helser's recommendation feels right. Any more would I think be too punishing on a character who ought really form a one-model warband.
Quote from: krenshar on July 30, 2014, 08:29:45 PM
On the timeline; unless I'm mistaken, 012.M31 is the 32nd millenium in the same way that we're now in the third millenium AD (or CE as one prefers). Certainly there is a colour text in the rulebook, stating that the Inquisitorial Representative joined the High Lords of Terra on the first anniversary of the Emperor's Ascension. So the Inquisition would have formed in time to recruit orphans and other survivors of the Siege of Terra.
Doesn't M31 imply 31st millennium? 012.M31 would be the year 30012AD, rather than 31012AD. Or is my life a lie?!
Ruaridh
Your life is as true as it ever was; Today would be in the year 014.M3 in the Imperial dating system.
Re: the Timeline issue- the colour text that starts off the sourcebook is a quote, in full, originally from Warhammer Monthly, but I think I found it in the Warhammer 40000 Compendium (though I can't get at that now...) - here's a Wikia link - http://warhammer40k.wikia.com/wiki/Xavier_Mendoza (http://warhammer40k.wikia.com/wiki/Xavier_Mendoza). I read it a few years ago, and thought "wow, I want more of this." So I made more of that. If that contradicts the Thorian Sourcebook, well... Everything you have been told is a lie, after all...
If you want to post typos/errors here, go for it! Or PM, either way. I'll follow up on the corrections soon, hopefully by Monday (I have a chapter to complete and a blogpost to write in the meantime, sorry...)
I'll up-grade Outek's Sin (by the way, Outek is also a reference to a passing character - he was one of the Emperor's researchers pre-Crusade, mentioned as having given the Emperor a tour of the Himalayan facility. Can't remember where that is, presumably in one of the HH sourcebooks or the Index Astartes.), I do want it to be a pretty vicious.
I'll go back over Phasic Bullets too, they went through who knows how many re-writes, so I'm not surprised they got muddled.
Good job on expanding such a small nugget of fluff. It's amazing what little things lurk in the corners of forgotten publications. Might scour the Rogue Trader rule book sometime soon...
I'll have another look for typos over the next few days.
Ruaridh
Had another run through the sourcebook today and came up with a few more parts that could do with tidying up.
Page 3, paragraph 2, 2nd sentence:
"Declaring a mass trial by ordeal, the ordeals were set at such a level that only a Primarch would have stood a chance of passing them."
I would capitalise "Trial by Ordeal," and change "the ordeals were set at such a level" to "the challenges were so brutal" to do away with the repetition of "ordeal".
Page 3, paragraph 2, 3rd sentence:
I would split this sentence into two, ending the first at "Astartes crew". In the new second sentence I would change "While the human crew" to "The ship's human contingent" to avoid repetition of "crew". After that I get confused by what's written. Is the court comprised of fellow crew members? This could do with a rewrite.
Page 4, Mendozians and other Factions, 2nd sentence:
"and that only if they do not act on their beliefs" - should this be "and that is only..."?
Same page, 3rd sentence:
"Xanthites distrust... going beyond the human". Is this meaning that the Xanthites worry about Mendozians turning on them as they are trying to make themselves stronger than their fellow man through the use of the warp? Could do with some clarification.
Page 5, Why Play as a Mendozian? 3rd sentence:
"They break rules, try and effect change on an Imperium-wide scale, dare to overthrow the Mendozian Inquisitor can either pull the story or game back on-route, or help system establishment by the God-Emperor himself, and risk the survival of all humankind."
I think there's a bit of a copy and paste error here! Also, "on-route" should be "en-route".
Page 5, Inquisitor Ostanes Croll, Paragraph 4, 2nd sentence:
"Convinced of their overarching dangerousness..." Perhaps "Convinced of the incredible threat they posed..." might read better.
Page 6, Aureolus ΔΘ, Paragraph 1, 3rd sentence:
"Though they rarely speak... Wars of Vindication." This is a very long sentence. I think it would read better if it was split into 2 or 3 smaller ones.
That's about it for now, but I'll do another read through later on if you want a proof read of any new drafts.
Ruaridh