Name- Kelsifer 'dragonbones' Wyrma.
Age- 26, but loks 86
History- +Recorded Log from Rouge Trader 'Dragonbones' (wanted for piracy, Murder, Desertation) computer+
At the age of 16, I, Kelsifer was inducted as a Conscript into the imperial gaurd. I was on board the imperial battle cruiser 'Silver lining' when my slife changed forever- I was caught in a warp storm and lost on a trapped planet. the planet was also in limbo, which explains why, whilst I aged, I does not feel the extent of the aging. I dedicate my time to training with snipers- and pistols when the crritters go too close., whilst the others who survived the crash fought the creatures of the world- nasty little beggers. I eventually escaped, ten years before I write this, on the back of a creature called a warp dragon. I was captured by the Eldar of craftworld Biel-tan, and held hostage in the court of the pheonix king for a full year, undergoing trial after trial, Before an Eldar woman called Lailin Darkree- who had an affinity for human culture- Broke me out and helped me escape with a stolen ship. we landed on a junk world, the name of which i cannot pronounce- that was a hive world before the tyranids of splinter fleet alta destroyed it. Traders had begun dropping off junk here, building scrap dunes of massive proportions. I wrte this log on one computer i plan to graft onto our ship. One of the many mutants we encounters has befreinded us- a once-women called Madrieai Espiono- and has helped us modify our ship, using the bones of my warpdragon, who was killed in the escape.- and the junk we have salvaged. I may have to leave this log behind.
+End of Recording.+
Appearance:Lean and muscular, about six foot tall. male. Rough beard, uncut and ragged. Wear sa cloth wrap on his forehead, and carapace armour on his torso, also wrapped in cloth. His arms are also covered in flack and cloth armour, as are his legs.
Profile-
WS BS S T I Wp Sg Nv Ld
55 89 59 62 66 68 72 82 88
Abilitys- Ambidextrous, deadeye shot, fast draw, gunfighter, quickload.
Wargear- Carapace armor with cloth wrap (torso), Flak and cloth armour (legs and arms) Flak and cloth tabard (groin) Cloth Wrap (head), Needle rifle with hallugenogens and a laser sight. " stubbers with DumDum ammo.
I can offer feedback, but you seem to have a very loose approach to the setting, so unfortunately my critique (being someone who, like most of the 'Clave, sticks heavily to the background, or at least the spirit of it) will be mostly negative.
Firstly, his background.
A rogue trader would be very unlikely to be as young as 26. They are frequently hundreds of years old, and it is rare for a trade licence to be passed on to anyone modern standards would consider young. Also, the political clout of a Trader family should keep any of their descendents out of the conscriptions (and if he's not part of a Trader family, where did he get that Trade licence from in order to have the title of "Rogue Trader"?)
Interesting idea with premature ageing due to a warp-storm, but a poor execution in my opinion. If he's aged, how can it be only cosmetic? It sounds like an justification to use a older looking model without any of the detrimental effects of age. If he aged to mid eighties, I'd say he should feel it.
For these two cases, I would recommend making him actually old (and perhaps further aged beyond his true age, that is a good idea, a nice subversion of the 300 year old that looks in their thirties), but with hidden surgery and augmetics that help offset that.
Next, you've got quite a few misunderstandings with your Eldar background.
Eldar are very selective about their prisoners, and even when they do, they wouldn't keep such a hateful creature as a prisoner/hostage for any longer than absolutely necessary. You offer no reason to explain why he was kept for a full year (and the Eldar would probably know that even a Rogue Trader is not valuable enough a hostage for much).
The Phoenix King is Warhammer Fantasy, not Warhammer 40k. Assuming you mean the Young king, bear in mind that Court of the Young King is a group of individuals, not a location - they would be unlikely to keep prisoners anywhere near such important eldar.
There are no human sympathisers amongst the Eldar. To the Eldar, humans are half-evolved and uncivilised mud eating apes that smell bad, pronounce everything like they're drunk, breed like rabbits, cause nothing but trouble and have short lifetimes that would be better even shorter.
The occasional human might be tolerable for a short time, but only if they absolutely have to be, and it's still very rare.
The Eldar only help themselves. If it looks like they're helping you, you're just mistaken. If it looks like you've beaten them, they probably wanted you to.
And lastly, Tyranids leave no more than an airless ball of rock - they consume more than just organic matter. Anything which is left after one of their visits is probably of so little value that it's not worth the trip, so the idea of scavenging a Tyranid ravaged world is unlikely.
About his statline... by Conclave standards (although this is not the only way to do it) he is inordinately skilled, especially for someone who is only in his mid twenties. BS 89 and 4 shooting skills (5 if you count Ambidextrous, which I think I have to on a gunfighter) is beyond mastery. His high Sg and Ld are also unlikely for such a young person who has spent most of their time perfecting their aim (which with that BS, he'd have to have done).
If I were a GM taking a red pen to this character sheet, I'd say you'd needed to drop his BS something like 15-20 points, lose two or three of his skills (depending on how much you reduced his BS), and take a fair chunk off his Sg and Ld - but as I said, the "Conclave Standard" is not the only way to do it, and if those you game with are at a similar level, then it's at least balanced (if a little dull when there's no tension when it comes to that game critical shot where it's a foregone conclusion that he'll hit).
I'm sorry I can't be more positive than that, but you seem to have quite a different mindset to the background and the game to the Conclave norm, so I'm afraid that it was never going to be a glowing opinion.
EDIT: Wrote this when pretty tired. Reworded to be less negative.
While I agree pretty much with all marco said, I'll try and spin it a bit more positive, most everyone overpowers their character first time, compared to some we see he's not unreasonable. And while his talents are higher than conclave norm, if that's the power level your group plays at it's upto you. I'm glad to see he has one combat focus, and isn't a deamon in both shooting and combat.
Do you have a campaign set up in mind to use this character in? Because he seems
Hard to fit in a game, he has
No charter (license to trade), his ship has xenos bones in it and he
Consorts with eldar and mutant Scum.
All good reasons for the inquisition to get involved, but any game occurring in
A halfway civilised part of the imperium would be hard to justify.
Sounds like you've got some great ideas, but throwing them onto one character who's not even 3 decades
Old seems a waste. Why not focus on just one aspect.
Stealing shamelessly from Many sources here but how about:
Name- Kelsifer 'dragonbones' Wyrma. A rouge trader, who inherited his license, and is now squandering his wealth in search of the fabled 'warp dragon'. Some say he is mad, others that the search has driven him mad,'some that he seeks the dragon to use it's blood to make himself immortal, others say he seeks it for revenge, having been trapped by one in a warp storm ageing him unnaturally, others say that he was not stranded, but rescued by the mythical beast and seeks to do the dragons a service and clear his honour of any debt.
It would be nice to know how he obtained his gear, and why he uses it.
Quote from: Adlan on December 25, 2010, 11:37:54 AMConsorts with eldar and mutant Scum. Any game occurring in a halfway civilised part of the imperium would be hard to justify.
The Eldar is difficult to justify (for more reasons than just that), but the mutant is not. A Rogue Trader could certainly have a mutant slave (or perhaps "slave", if they're just pretending it's a master/slave relationship for the sake of a cover*). Provided they were appropriately cowled and hidden from the sight of more worthy humans, such a slave could be taken most anywhere by someone with enough power to make it stick. (Which a true Rogue Trader could.)
*I make use of this quite a lot. The relationship between my Inqusitiorial namesake and the mutant Jax Lynn is actually a good friendship in private, but in public that's hidden under a master/slave façade.
QuoteAnd lastly, Tyranids leave no more than an airless ball of rock - they consume more than just organic matter. Anything which is left after one of their visits is probably of so little value that it's not worth the trip, so the idea of scavenging a Tyranid ravaged world is unlikely.
Actually, it can be quite profitable. Yes, tyranids devour all the organics, not to mention the atmosphere and much of the upper layer of the planet's crust, but there is mention in the background of ships returning to tyranid-ravaged worlds to raid the virtually untouched buildings. The tyranids ma be able to process soil and soft porous rock, but Imperial rockrete is simply too great an expenditure of energy for too little in return for them to bother.
Ok, a few things.
one, i may not have explained the tyranid world thing qite so clearly. the junk and scrap on the surface has been placed there after the tyranids hive left, part of a scheme to re-use the barre world .
His trading liscence, as were most of his things, was illegally obtained.
Also, Kelsifer thinks Lailin is an eldar, but in fact, as I have not finished typing her background yet you would not know, a sort of illegitemate half breed, a result of a Eldar female being captured and abused by a group of humans. She, as a part human, was never truly acepted and longed for a taste of the human world.
Also, the Pheonix king thing was a mistake, i did mean young king, but was thinking of the apocalypse formation 'court of the pheonix king'.
anything else will dealt with in due course, but where i am, upon typing this, its getting late.
Quote from: Darksinger on December 26, 2010, 12:07:32 AMthe junk and scrap on the surface has been placed there after the tyranids hive left, part of a scheme to re-use the barre world.
Why? The world is stripped of any resources. It has nothing to offer the Imperium but perhaps empty acreage. They will have to add soil, plants, air, water,
EVERYTHING to use it again. The resources spent re-using the world would be far better used finding and populating a world which actually had more to offer - things to mine, animals to hunt/farm, something to make it worthwhile.
The Imperium would have to have a REALLY big reason to take a ravaged world and try to rebuild it. About the only (good) explanation I can conjure is its location - which would have to be critical. It's a vital defensive location, an
essential hub for warp routes where just slapping some space station there isn't good enough (and where the Tyranids have actually left worlds nearby that are worth going to), or something.
Even if you can produce such a reason, you then need to explain why such an important location is so poorly protected that junkers can
A better excuse would be a world that was hit by some xeno plague, which killed all human life (then burnt itself out without any hosts) - everything else is essentially untouched and which the Imperium has not (yet) recolonised.
If you've seen the film Serenity, I would go for something like [spoiler - highlight to read]the planet "Miranda". In this case, all human life has been killed by experiments with the atmosphere. Recolonisation was ruled out because of the 0.1% that didn't die and instead became frothing maniacs, patrolling nearby space - raping people to death, eating their flesh and sewing their victim's skins into their clothing. Hopefully in that order.[/spoiler]
QuoteHis trading liscence, as were most of his things, was illegally obtained.
... That's not exactly a riveting story.
If he obtained his trade licence, who did he get/steal it from and how?
His guns - why did he choose those particular guns rather than any other? Which dodgy gun merchant did he get them from? When? What was the price - stolen coin, or was it paid for by services? Do they have a history that the Arbites might be interested in?
These are all the kinds of things you should be answering.
QuoteA sort of illegitimate half breed, a result of a Eldar female being captured and abused by a group of humans.
Sorry to keep being negative, but Eldar/Human cross breeding is less possible than Human/Squirrel cross-breeding. Humans and squirrels at least have some common genetics.
Humans and Eldar are completely genetically incompatible, and even if they were, the Eldar mindset would not tolerate such a half-breed within their culture. (Also, it would be a
very rare human who would actually choose to try to impregnate a Xeno. They have about the same view of the Eldar as the Eldar do of humans.)
Half-elves are Dungeons and Dragons background, not 40k background. Half Eldar were, in early editions of 40k, possible but have long since been written out and are now canonically impossible. (And that's not the Hollywood type of impossible where it then gets done three times before the end of the film.)
Re: The 'Half Eldar'
You could say that due to some accident of migration/space battle/webway travel a young eldar was separated from their family/community. They were stranded on a feudal world inhabited by humans. They spend a number of decades there and although they were not really accepted they did grow a respect for the humans they shared the world with. They finally made their way off the planet (possibly assisted by a inquisitor/trader/etc.). When they rejoined their community (could be exodite or craftworld) they had gained a respect for humans and although over the years they have grown less toleration and forgiving of people they still lack the open prejudice common of their kind, even going so far as to protect those mistreated by their fellows (especially as being a bit of a outcast it is likely there would be some bad blood between them and some of the others).
I see it as a bit of a generalisation to say that all eldar hate humans, it just doesn't seem to be realistic to me. I mean I accept that 99.9% of eldar might hate humans but to say there are no 'wackjobs' or misfits with views different from the majority. And maybe there are a few who see humans as a useful tool or ally, or even see a reflection of themselves before the fall.
I'm not saying you'd find a human-eldar friendship or even trust but there may be sympathy, respect or even common experiences which lead to one-in-a-million acts from the eldar.
The again that's just my opinion, I find the idea of consistent dislike of humans in every individual of the eldar race to be unlikely and, more importantly, I find it dull.
As much of a fan of the whole half elf concept I am(and believe me, I am), I second the point that it does not apply to the 40k setting. If that infant where to be ever found out, it would be destroyed without hesitation whether it was a human or Eldar who found out. The Eldar once ruled the Galaxy and quenched stars on a whim, why would they dilute their genes with some pathetic slightly advanced apes who keep on getting in their way and whose only practical purpose is to be manipulated? A similar mindset goes for the Imperium, just in a different context.
The whole mindset of the 40k universe is being ignored here, extreme xenophobia. If its not one of your kind, then it is unclean and must be purged, and only used if necessary. The only exceptions xeno-wise would be Tau, but they're a bit naive and young as a species.
And Biel-tan too? You mean the craftworld that militaristically cleanses entire populations because they set foot on a planet that they claim inheritance to? Not to likely to have a halfbreed of intruding primitives amongst them. And like Marco said, the genetics of two races born light years apart are not likely to be compatible.
I suggest a thorough reading of some fluff, even the Eldar Codex would help get the point of the Eldar mentality across, but stick to more Inquisitor related stuff if you can. I'd also recommend adding a bit more to the backstory, seems a bit sparse and too simplistic, more of a rough note than a final draft.
Secondly, a conscript is literally almost not worth his gear. Humans have billions of bodies to call up in at a time I doubt one of millions of shaky teenagers given a lasrifle could survive the horrors of the Warp, let alone a transport ship being wrecked(escape pods would be reserved for people of IMPORTANCE).
I'm not going to comment on the game terms as I don't have the proper field experience and it has already been touched on.
I could go on, but I think that is all for now.
Quote from: Dust King on December 26, 2010, 05:20:09 AM
The again that's just my opinion, I find the idea of consistent dislike of humans in every individual of the eldar race to be unlikely and, more importantly, I find it dull.
I'm sure the odd Eldar would have some respect for humans, however their needs come first and if it means sacrificing 100 000 humans for one Eldar's life, then it is worth it, just look at Armageddon. The fact is that the Eldar are a dying breed struggling for existence and they are kind of bitter about loosing their hold on the galaxy. So anyone who threatens their existence is going to have a tough time as they won't take it sitting down, however a lot of their techniques at doing so are rather different than that of human standards.
QuoteWhy? The world is stripped of any resources. It has nothing to offer the Imperium but perhaps empty acreage. They will have to add soil, plants, air, water, EVERYTHING to use it again. The resources spent re-using the world would be far better used finding and populating a world which actually had more to offer - things to mine, animals to hunt/farm, something to make it worthwhile.
The Imperium would have to have a REALLY big reason to take a ravaged world and try to rebuild it. About the only (good) explanation I can conjure is its location - which would have to be critical. It's a vital defensive location, an essential hub for warp routes where just slapping some space station there isn't good enough (and where the Tyranids have actually left worlds nearby that are worth going to), or something.
Even if you can produce such a reason, you then need to explain why such an important location is so poorly protected that junkers can
Your not getting it.
The imperium isn't tying to rebuild the world, they are just trying to re-use the planet as a junkyard for things beyond repair. Essentially they have placed an atmospheric shell (or whatever they might call it) To allow the junkers to touc down, throw their scrap overboard and then leave again.
@Marcoskoll: remember this was my first character, and although i know that your only trying to be helpful, but it can be a bit downpressing.
As for the trade liscence thing, well, He stole that from another rouge trader, and injured drunkard too, who he met in a bar (cliched i know, but) and they struck up a deal. he said soemthing like 'Borrow miy trade liscence, then make this delivery for me. I will get you a proper one whilst you make the delivery,.' Kelsifer accepted, got his hands on the trade liscence, then walked out. The other roue traer is his arch rival, but i havent named him yet.
Equipment- All his euipment was obtained by looting the dead on the warp world he was stranded on. When his comrades died, he 'borrowed' their gear.
Now, an issue from your first post Marcposkoll- his gstatline. I actually used the random generator in the book to get his stats, and i assume i just rolled high (it was a while ago, and i can't remember exactly what i rolled.)
I think there's the basis of a good idea there, but it does have some issues as the others have pointed out. As he stole his Rogue Trader licence, why not make him an inveterate liar - 'Yeah, and then I lived with the Eldar for a year; most of them regarded me as a prisoner but there was this beautiful Eldar woman...' works better as an outrageous lie then as his actual story. Stealing a licence is not easy - a Rogue Trader is not going to hand it over to just anyone, and the same goes for his ship and crew. Starships are not small things, a Rogue Trader wouldn't have a ship like the Millenium Falcon, we're talking about a ship that's a kilometre long (at least) with thousands of crew.
As for the junk world - why make a dangerous trip through the warp just to get rid of your junk? Why not just jettison it into empty space? I'm sure there's a good explanation for a junk world, but I don't think your current one works. A world ravaged by war and disease sounds better. One hit by some catastrophe that killed most of the inhabitants and mutated the rest. Does it need to be a planet? Could it be an area of space that is known as a place where the warp often ejects lost ships (and lost souls)? He got stranded there after a warp jump went badly wrong and had to salvage other ships to survive and escape.
You'll find that randomly generating stats is not regarded as a good way to create a character - better to just pick values that accurately represent your character. He also does appear to have too many skills. Gunfighter, Deadeye Shot and Fast Draw look good for the character, but Quickload seems unnecessary - I normally suggest saving that for a character who is extremely well drilled with a particular weapon whereas this guy seems happy to use whatever weapon he can get his hands on and so wouldn't have the familiarity that would lead to Quickload. Is he really Ambidextrous? Able to use either hand equally well for all tasks? Ambidextrous people are very rare, but strangely common in Inquisitor (especially when it comes to characters with Gunfighter).
Finally, how do you plan to model your character? 54mm? What about the rest of his warband?
Oh, and welcome to the Conclave!
I hope you enjoy your time here. Do you have a group to play against? If not, we have a list of players and locations so there might be someone near you; or if you're in the UK you'd be welcome to join us at one of our events. The next is the Inquisitor Grand Tournament in March.
- Dave
Quote from: Darksinger on December 26, 2010, 07:03:45 AMThe imperium isn't tying to rebuild the world, they are just trying to re-use the planet as a junkyard for things beyond repair.
I think Kaled put it well. Making a trip through the warp just to get to a "garbage planet" (at probably many multiples of weeks round trip) is unnecessarily dangerous. The warp isn't plain sailing - it's infested waters. Here be dragons.
Just about every sci-fi setting either has fly-tipping in open space or extensive on-board recycling.
Either is perfectly suited for the Imperium - the first in a "not giving a damn" sense, and the latter in a "this food was processed out of yesterday's effluence" unpleasantness.
QuoteRemember this was my first character, and although i know that your only trying to be helpful, but it can be a bit downpressing.
If you post a character up on this sub-forum, you're opening it up for critique, positive or negative. We're not here to give hollow praise and stroke people's egos; that's a waste of my time
and yours.
I don't particularly like telling someone that the character they've worked hard on has problems - it can feel like I'm being nasty. But I do it because I know I want others to do it for me.
As an amateur artist and writer, one person offering feedback on how I can improve is far more valuable to me than a million people going "Oh my gawwwwwwd, you're an awesome artist." (Actually, some of the best feedback I get is often from my tact-deprived brother.)
Yes, criticisms can be a bit of a downer, but it's only the recipient who can choose to take them personally rather than as feedback.
QuoteBorrow my trade liscence, then make this delivery for me.
Handing over such a quite possibly ancient and irreplaceable heirloom trade licence to someone you had just met in a bar?
To me, no matter how drunk he may have been, that's implausible. On about the same level as "Here, have the deeds to my house - don't mind the wife and kids, just chuck them on to the street. Now, here's all of my bank account details and why don't you take my Ferrari while you're at it too? It's parked right outside".
QuoteI actually used the random generator in the book to get his stats, and i assume i just rolled high (it was a while ago, and i can't remember exactly what i rolled.)
Rolling high is a reason for high stats, not a justification. High numbers are high regardless of how they were generated.
Very interesting character. A few ideas/questions that popped up that may help flesh it out/explain more:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but from reading your background it sounds as though your character was trapped on the lost planet, during which time the planet (and character) aged 60 years but in "real space" only a token amount of time passed. If that's correct, you could muddy the age slightly and say he was stuck for "what felt like a century" and give him an indeterminate "real age." You could also say that he looks to be 60 years old but experience 80-90 years of time in the warp (it's the warp, stranger things have happened). This could account for some of his higher stats/the large number of abilities (though personally I'd dock his BS to mid 70's and give him a max of two gun skills, if for no other reason than to make it easier on yourself, trust me, that many abilities will be a royal pain during gameplay).
I would highly suggest taking the ball Kaled passed to you in regards to having him be a huge liar and running with it. You can add in fantastical ideas while creating an incredibly colorful character by doing this.
On the point of the Eldar: it isn't unreasonable that there is something "special" about this character. While the Eldar regard him as a lower-life form (even by their standards) he is fated to play a vital role in cosmic events. However, exactly what role he will play is unclear and highly contentious, with most Eldar believing he must be held in captivity until such time as the future becomes less clouded while a small minority believe that in order to play his role in events to come he must be released (leading the female Eldar to free him). Far fetched? Perhaps, but the Eldar using this logic is not without precedent.
As far as the junk planet, I think it's a great idea. Why not just call it a junk planet? Sure it'd be interesting to know why it exists, how it got there etc and if you're writing a campaign where it's prominently featured in that system then an expanded explanation is great, but for the sake of this character's background it doesn't add anything other than extraneous (albeit interesting) fluff.
Moving on to the Rouge Trader part of it, would you be happy to just call him a gun runner or just a regular old trader? It sounds as though you're looking for more of a Han Solo type here anyway. If you go to the trouble to change your story to make him a proper rouge trader I feel as though you'll need to reimagine him as he now exists since you're looking for more of a swash-buckling loner than someone in charge of an intergalactic trading empire.
Lastly, the warp dragon intrigues me greatly. Part of me would love to see it fleshed out more but Aldan's ideas about making it more rumor and hearsay are interesting as well. Over explaining these types of things can take away the wonder of it (plus who's to say your character even understands?). To cross promote one of the other ideas I presented, the warp dragon "choosing to save" your character solely above the others on the planet lends credence to the idea that he is "somehow special" and will play an important role in some great galactic event.
From a GM's standpoint I think this character would be an interesting plot device. He isn't your standard fare but could easily play a big role in a campaign. All that said, there has been a lot of criticism leveled at the character and I agree with most of it. All of the above are just suggestions on how to resolve some of the discrepancies.
Quote from: Alyster Wick on December 26, 2010, 06:26:08 PMAs far as the junk planet, I think it's a great idea.
I don't have a problem with a world that is basically filled with junk, but I don't like the suggestion that it's
deliberately filled with junk.
Like I said, some kind of plague that killed off all (or almost all) humans leaving everything else behind to slowly collapse and rust would be a perfectly fine explanation. (Perhaps it was even some kind of zombie analogue.)
The ruined planet is now being scavenged by all manner of people who think there's a quick Throne or thousand to be made selling what they can find.
The Imperium converting the planet into a garbage dump after a hive fleet invasion is a more stretched explanation. That being the reason for the planet being the way it is doesn't seem to be crucial, and seems a bit like it's there to fit another race of Xeno into the backstory.
Kaled- Thanks for the welcome. It was... Colourful.
The main reason the junk planet was stripped bare by the tyranids, not disease or otherwise, is mainly for the campaign he is in. My friend has a rather large collection of tyranids, who are 'Splinter fleet Alta'- see if you can guess which conclave member that army belongs too. I'm relatively sure, from what i have been told, that a rather large number of ths splinterfleet may be included in this campaign in an alteration of the 'zombies' mission. As for why all the junk is there, the planet is a small world within standard space travel duistance of Armageddon- the industrial waste left over from the war with the orks has got to go somewhere, and somewhere the orks cant get ahold of it- The planets mutants are more than a match for the menial orks and their unwilling grot helpers.
Abilitys- He is proficient with a sniper, sixty or so years of training in a warp-lost world will give anyone a damn good idea of exactly how a wepon works. The rest of his eqipment was just cobbled together, his pistls simply taken from dead comrades.
Alyster Wick: The rouge trader thing, that was a label the book gave me. I didn't really know what else to call him, so i kinda had to improvise with the trade kliscence. Thinking about it, I could take that part out and just make him a trader i suppose, albiet one with a pretty nifty ship.
Big campaign role- Yea. He i s actually pretty important in the campaign im gonna be playig, because there are ally charts and Trading points, in which people can trade bits of useful materials to me to get euipment (so i'm told). After all, I'm Always looking for new ship materials ofr stuff i can sell for better profits.
Marcoskoll- I know i'm putting the Character up for critiue, and your right, i do need to take it constuctively. Although it would be nice to get a little praise (my dad is sooooooo disaproving of nearly everything i do, so it's a little frustrating to get critque elsewhere as well.)
If anyone wants anything really specific answered i overlooked here, post it to me again, cos i probably overlooked it by accident.
Quote from: Darksinger on December 26, 2010, 09:08:48 PM
As for why all the junk is there, the planet is a small world within standard space travel duistance of Armageddon- the industrial waste left over from the war with the orks has got to go somewhere, and somewhere the orks cant get ahold of it- The planets mutants are more than a match for the menial orks and their unwilling grot helpers.
So it's another planet within the Armageddon system? I'm not certain, but I imagine the whole system has been covered in outline at least - are there other inhabitable planets within the system? Is there anything about them in the canon?
QuoteAbilitys- He is proficient with a sniper, sixty or so years of training in a warp-lost world will give anyone a damn good idea of exactly how a wepon works. The rest of his eqipment was just cobbled together, his pistls simply taken from dead comrades.
Lots of characters in Inquisitor have many years experience with weapons - they don't all have Quickload. Snipers take time to pick their shots, they don't generally need to reload quickly - so what's different about him? Also snipers almost tend to fire from a position of concealment - should he have a skill or equipment to help him hide?
QuoteAlyster Wick: The rouge trader thing, that was a label the book gave me. I didn't really know what else to call him, so i kinda had to improvise with the trade kliscence. Thinking about it, I could take that part out and just make him a trader i suppose, albiet one with a pretty nifty ship.
What kind if trader? What sort of licence dies he hold? Most restrict the bearer in what he can trade and on what routes? What kind of ship does he have? In what way is it 'nifty'? Where did he get it?
Sorry to ask so many questions, but there are a lot of things you could expand on in his background...
Quote from: Darksinger on December 26, 2010, 09:08:48 PMThe main reason the junk planet was stripped bare by the tyranids, not disease or otherwise, is mainly for the campaign he is in.
Fine, then call it an experimental Tyranid bio-toxin that was disseminated by a Genestealer cult.
The sting in the tail is that nobody realises that it was a 'Nid bio-toxin and they're blissfully unaware of the approaching threat that's coming to strip the defenceless world clean.
QuoteAs for why all the junk is there, the planet is a small world within standard space travel duistance of Armageddon.
The hive fleets are approaching from the galactic east, heading more or less for Terra (with the suggestion that it is the Astronomicon drawing them in like a lighthouse).
But Armageddon is in the Galactic north west of the Segmentum Solar, so no world nearby would have ever encountered Tyranids. Additionally, the Biel-Tan craftworld is in the galactic south east.
... And yes, I
have just shown I'm a huge nerd.
If you have to build the 'Nids into this campaign, the world rather needs to be in the Tempestus Sector.
Preferably the south of the sector if you want to keep anything to do with Biel-Tan - although if you decide he's lying his face off about being an Eldar prisoner, that's obviously not a problem (and him being thousands of light years away would be a nice subtle clue to that).
QuoteHe is proficient with a sniper, sixty or so years of training in a warp-lost world will give anyone a damn good idea of exactly how a wepon works.
I wouldn't say so. A warp lost world is not going to have the normal laws of physics, so he's going to find all the shooting skills he learnt there will be less relevant on more normal worlds. It'd be very like using an entirely different weapon.
For similar reasons, I will only ever give people really high BS values when they've trained on several planets, learning to cope with variations in gravity, atmosphere, planetary spin (and thus the Coriolis effect) rather than just the conditions of one world.
QuoteAlthough it would be nice to get a little praise (my dad is sooooooo disaproving of nearly everything i do, so it's a little frustrating to get critque elsewhere as well.)
Don't mistake critique for disapproval. We're trying to help you take the idea and fit it better within the 40k canon.
I can (and do) offer praise, but your last few posts have mostly been more fragments of background that we've already been saying has canonicity flaws.
There are good ideas to be exploited here and people have offered you a good few ways you could improve on his adherence to the canon, but you do need to consider these ideas rather than just shooting them down.
Darksinger, who said that we would be involving Tyranids in the campaign?
There may be a Genestealer Cult and a few stealers, but no hive fleet. Also, there is no planned campaign at the moment.
For reference the centre point of all the characters in our gaming group is in between Ymgarl and Doton (near Ultramar) on this map: http://files.meetup.com/1529335/40K%20Galaxy%20Map.jpg
Our gaming group consists of:
Me - Mercenaries (http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1019.0) and an Inquisitor(no rules yet)
Gazkul - Quelli Santificati (Chem Dogs) (http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1071.0)
Frostspear - Inquisitor Ani Lycanson, Ordo Xenos (http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1117.0)
Gogz - Imperial Navy officers
Darksinger - Trader (http://www.the-conclave.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1157.0)
My brother - Black market trader and Tzeentch cult
Darksinger, critique is always better than comments
Ok guys, Im actually re-writing My character and his warband, keeping as many suggestions in mind from you guys. Will start a new thread for easy access, called 'Second attempts.'
Just in case you don't abandon this character, I've thought of a way which could allow kelsifer and the eldar to meet up.
Lailin Darkree was an Eldar woman, yet raised by humans after her parents abandoned her in unknown circumstances. Her adopted parents loved her and paid for her to have surgery on her ears so that she would fit in better. Yet at school people saw that she was different and she was teased and bullied for most of her life. This led her to be angry at most humans for bullying her, angry at the Eldar for leaving her, yet she could never be angry at her adopted parents.
When school was over she worked as a <insert job here> for a while. But she wasn't all that easy around humans, she wanted to go and find her own race, the Eldar. She journied off and eventually met up with the Alaitoc Craftworld.
Kelsifer Wyrma was a trader (I'll let you make up any previous history). On one trading voyage his ship, and many other ships in the area, were attacked by a Dark Eldar raiding party. He, like many others, were taken prisoner.
The raiding party hadn't gone far before it met a small fleet of Alaitoc vessels, one of them containing Lailin. There was a fight and in the battle the humans escaped. Lailin by this time had realised that she preferred the company of humans to Eldar. She stowed away with the humans as they escaped.
You can decide what happens next.
In regard to the mutant, he could be one of the prisoners, or be someone that they meet up with later...
Quote from: Alta on December 28, 2010, 09:38:36 AM
Her adopted parents loved her and paid for her to have surgery on her ears so that she would fit in better. Yet at school people saw that she was different and she was teased and bullied for most of her life. This led her to be angry at most humans for bullying her, angry at the Eldar for leaving her, yet she could never be angry at her adopted parents.
It would take a lot more than surgery on the ears to make an Eldar look human - so I'm not surprised the other children still bullied her - it would be immediately obvious as soon as she moved that she was not human. Given the extreme xenophobia in the Imperium I'm surprised the other children didn't just kill her - their parents, teachers and priests would have been so proud.
I agree with Kaled. An Eldar is distinct from a human by far more than pointy ears.
The way they move, the way they speak, that all of their limbs are just a bit too slender and long, their completely black eyeballs, that they have emotions humans can barely even imagine, that they grow at a wildly different rate to human children.
It's also questionable whether humans could perform surgery on an Eldar. What drugs and cosmetic materials work for humans probably will not for Eldar, and if there's any surgeon who would be prepared to operate on a hateful Xeno, I would be surprised.
I did at one time have an Eldar character who, for various long, convoluted (and admittedly poorly thought out) reasons, was hiding in the Imperium. However, he spent his entire time cowled and hidden from sight, avoiding human contact as far as possible.
I think the same thing here. I think if there were an Eldar child living amongst humans, it would have to be kept hidden, almost never seeing the light of day, and never being a part of society or having any peers - and even then it would probably get a tough time.
Perhaps the most effective technique would be to pretend she was a mutant child. It would explain her being constantly hidden under piles of robes, most of the oddities in voice and movement, and why she was kept away from everyone else.
Mutants are still subject to extreme downtreading, but they are far more tolerated than Xenos.
If i remember correctly, there was a novel in which the planetary governor was in fact a mutant, and had bug eyes and wore goggles to hide them. He got that position through a hereditary posting, so it's not impossible that her adopted family who tragically, but secretly, lost the child, then found the abandoned xenos and adopted it. A mysterious cloaked stranger could have dropped the child off, and made the parents promise to raise the child as a human, but would come back at a later date and claim the child back, rumpelstiltskin esque.
Hell, he could have been an Inquistor trying to see the affects of a human raised Xenos. Just offering food for some thought.
I like the idea of that, but iunfortunately, yo guys are right, it is far to difflicult to work. The imperials would probably have just killed her off... Also, the eldar can't really afford to abandon children. They are far too few to do so.