GenocidalJoker's Character

[GenocidalJoker]

This is my first character creation, So lets get started

Here's a story relating to my character, I'm going for a sniper assassin type lone wolf no care for anyone bassically

Deus,

First Day, Laying belly down in the slop of bio waste on a slightly raised hill waiting on the target to arrive still no sign. Second day, Still lying in the same position haven't moved and inch since the last day. Have only seen slight movement of a torch inside the walls of the camp still no sighting of the target. Third day, trucks have been into the camp and have been coming out empty, hopefully there is going to be some action today.

Day Four, Bright and early in the morning 4 henchmen walk outside the main building of the camp two stand at the door and two walk around the back. Twenty minutes pass, THERE!! my target has come out of Another rundown building, I wait till I have a clear shot. I take a bullet and load it into the chamber push the bolt forward on my trusted sniper rifle look down my scope line the shot up wait for my target to stand still....... I take the shot, DIRECT HIT! right between the eyes. The target isn't fazed by this shot I had just taken, The whole camp is in a frenzy everyone's running around like mad men.

I quickly take another Bullet load it quickly take another shot, direct hit same spot nothing is happening WHAT IS GOING ON!. I move up to a crouched position making myself more visible, But I can take a much more accurate and better shot. I load another bolt forward ready to pull the trigger, Then iv'e been spotted an enemy scout has spotted me about 300m away, He starts shooting at me bullets wizing past my head. I quickly zoom very inaccurate but in the area of my target and smash him straight in the left eye taking him out. Everyone inside the camp runs in fear I quickly dispose of the scout that was shooting at me with a nice quick kill. I wait there for another day untill the area is clear and go collect the targets head, I take my blade and make two very deep cut's in the back of the neck and YANK! the head pops off I quickly bag it and tie it to my rucksack and I get on my way leaving no tracks.

I go back to the gangster that hired me to kill this rival gangster as it seems to collect my payment. They tell me to give up all my weapons and leave them with the quard at the door, I do so but I conceal a knife for protection. He tells me that he can't pay me because I have done a sloppy job by killing an extra that didn't need to be killed. So I survey my surroundings, There are 2 guards behind me and my client sitting across from me at a small wooden table. I lean back pull out my knife stab the two guards behind me with ease and grab there pistols hold my client hostage and demand the money and my equipment back immeadiately. They grab a sack of cash from a lifted up board from behind the wall and hand me my weapons, So I slowly take the pistol away from my clients head and walk out the door.

I need to add more I just want to get an idea on my skill set and how to go about doing it. Please tell me anything that I need to enhance on in my story and I would rather some constructive critism

WS: 48  BS: 72  STR: 54  T: 56  I: 61  W:49  Sg:51  N:60  LD: 58

Ability's
Quickload(sniper)
deadeye shot(sniper)
Sniper (sniper)
bad reputation( hive city)
Fee earned(gamestyle)

Equipment:
Sniper.300 (silencer) (telescopic scope) (bi-pod)
Standard stubber(silencer) barretaM9 2 reloads
Bowie knife
10bullets (2 reloads)
1 inced
1 Explosive
2 Sub calibre
5 manstoppers

I am thinking about making a 14year old spotter as a additional character to the story so if anyone has any idea's on it would be great.
He would have enhanced bionoculers,  Combat coordinator special ability and also Survivor and  maybe a few other things haven't gotten around to him yet still thinking about him.

[Dolnikan]

About the character's stats, the marksmanship the character shows in the story is really very, very good, especially the quick shots that are still perfect hits. This would justify the BS. I would however remove the quickload, as the character seems to me to be more of the kind that waits for his time, not someone for maintaining volumes of fire, but when he shoots the shots do count.

About the spotter, perhaps it is his own child, his only link to his distant past. The child wants to follow in his or her father's footsteps and accompanies him, the father would obviously go to great lengths to protect his only child. I would not give a character like that many abilities and the like yet, the or she is after all only still learning.

[MarcoSkoll]

Well, first things first:

Welcome to the Conclave

Next thing:
The "Out of Character" section relates to internet roleplaying threads. Stuff relating to Inquisitor characters goes in the "Inquisitor rules discussion".

Third thing:
Why, exactly, does his target take two (apparently direct) hits to the head and not even flinch, yet the third shot works just fine? I don't feel you've explained this well enough. (I can only assume that the first two missed and his cries of "Direct Hit" are completely mistaken?)

I also find it a bit odd that the entire camp just scarpers, leaving behind corpses and the like, rather than fighting back to a far greater degree.

As a critique of your writing, I'd also add that the passage where he's extorting his fee from his client is more "tell" than "show".

Statwise... not bad, but I tend towards not making marksmen high BS. They might be good at aiming (bonuses to their aim actions), but that doesn't translate to masterful snap-shots. Also, the combination of extra aim bonuses and high BS can easily get too good too quickly and make it less fun for the other players.

Like Dolnikan, I'd also lose Quickload. Perhaps instead consider the Camouflage skill - sniping is as much concealment as it is marksmanship. (Which is also why I don't call my increased aim bonus skill "Sniper" - I call it "Marksman" - sniping is a much wider range of skills than just hitting the target.)

[GenocidalJoker]

Thanks for the great feedback I have been thinking about it the part where he baged his head up he takes it to a nearby pub and sort of take a piece of skin off where he shot him between the eyes and finds that he acctually had a metal casing around his head (normal bullets cant shoot through) that's when I am going to justify why he needs so many different types of bullets for different types of situations. Also the part where he is cutting into he is cutting into the skull in a public place is where he starts to get his bad reputation.

Post back if you think this is a good idea. But I want to start the child not as a son but like a kid off the street seeing this great person saying I want to be like him sort of thing. But then again that won't be a very good story ling than having a child in his dark past I guess. I will see what comes to mind and put more story line to it I guess.

Thanks again

[Dolnikan]

The problem with a kid thinking that this guy is cool and all that is that such a man would be unlikely to let a kid hang around him without a special reason, otherwise there will be hordes surrounding him pretty soon.

[Draco Ferox]

such a man would be unlikely to let a kid hang around him without a special reason

Disregarding the obvious connotations of a "special reason", the kid would make a good redshirt whose killing would trigger this guy's descent into the darker, more psychopathic style of fighting (scalping etc). Bonus points if it's his kid too.