The Ordos Majoris - Roleplay > Out Of Character

Ad Vitam Aeternam OOC

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MarcoSkoll:
Well, there's apparently some nutters on this forum who think I'm a reasonable writer, so here's some nonsense I've been working on recently.

Set in the 44th millennium, this looks at the (possible) future of Jax Lynn, the regenerating mutant in Marco's warband.
2364 years on, it turns out that Jax really is pretty much immortal, her mutation making her as able to survive the years as she is bullets and blades.

Obviously, I run the risk of going against other people's interpretations of the future of the 40k universe, but as you can tell, I'm running with the theory that, much like the last however many thousand years, the Imperium really hasn't gone very far at all. There are going to be differences from the universe of the late 41st/early 42nd millennium, but I'll be handling those as I go on.

Equally obviously, time has made Jax a pretty different person to her tabletop self, so don't take this as conforming to the character sheet in the rules section. Some things are the same. But many aren't.

So, what you see here is pretty speculative, reasonably self-indulgent and probably non-canon as far as the actual time-line of my characters. I'm not planning on it being a particularly long running piece, but we'll see what happens.

Kallidor:
I don't recall reading about the exploits of this character before but she seems very interesting, a mature character which befits someone of her age and certainly provides a lot more meat than mutant characters usually seem to get. It was good to see you discuss how mutants are normally perceived and yet Lynn doesn't hold a grudge which is a much more preferable character trait I find, it can get a bit tiresome to see down-trodden characters with big chips on their shoulders. I found the robustness of her character echoed her physical abilities quite nicely especially when she felt a bit sorry for Rae; she's tolerant of Lynn but far from being a good thing may be a disadvantage.

I think the use of the offspring of Skoll was quite effective, with the undying servant of sorts now holding the position of authority; they may well be the descendants but Lynn actually knew the Inquisitor.

I found the first-person narration to be well handled too, not too laboured and Lynn wasn't prattling on in her own head. I'll be interested to see how this develops.

MarcoSkoll:

--- Quote from: Kallidor on August 23, 2010, 01:02:52 AM ---I don't recall reading about the exploits of this character before but she seems very interesting
--- End quote ---
Well, this is the first experiment of writing her at an age other than up to her current age of 45 (current as far as the present "Conclave date" of M42.010).  Even without that restriction, there's not much to read of the exploits of this particular version of the character yet, as I only recently rewrote her (her character sheet, and a summary of some of the larger differences from the previous version, can be seen here).

And as far as the "meat" of the character... obviously, a first person character is going to need depth, mutant or not. But I do think the mutant perspective is a pretty rare one - psykers, yes. "Regular" mutants, less so - so there's some potential for exploration.


--- Quote ---It was good to see you discuss how mutants are normally perceived and yet Lynn doesn't hold a grudge
--- End quote ---
I think after twenty-four hundred years, she's probably realised that such grudges are pointless, and actually more of a problem. Still, I bring it up because I do intend to cover in more depth why exactly this mutant is helping a society which so ostracises her in a later instalment.

I'll admit that Jax isn't quite the typical 40k mutant, as she doesn't look like a waxwork which has been put in the microwave - here's the concept art for her (this version of the picture fixes some of the flaws in the version I linked from her character thread).
Like I say, not typical, but there are some precedents for "mutants who would be pretty but for X" in the canon, so not exactly unreasonable.


--- Quote ---I think the use of the offspring of Skoll was quite effective, with the undying servant of sorts now holding the position of authority; they may well be the descendants but Lynn actually knew the Inquisitor.
--- End quote ---
I had originally conceived other possibilities for the other characters in this, but the idea of a family which Jax had watched go by for many generations appealed. It seemed like a coping strategy - the thought that she hasn't really lost the people she once knew, because they live on in their descendents.

It also seemed like the kind of thing I could imagine Marco and Silva doing. Their relationship is certainly strong enough that they'd want children, although they'd both recognise the fact it really wasn't possible to mix children and the work of the Inquisition. So, that's the solution they came up with - and it's actually very interesting from a roleplay perspective, thinking about how characters have planned for their death and legacy.

It also has to be assumed that Jax will gain a lot more of Marco's trust in coming years - not that they're suspicious of one another currently, but you do have to be very sure about someone to let them bring up pretty much every descendent you're ever going to have.


--- Quote ---I found the first-person narration to be well handled too, not too laboured and Lynn wasn't prattling on in her own head.
--- End quote ---
I don't actually write in first person very often - mainly because I'm often swapping between the actions of several characters, and first person isn't practical in such a case.

However, this time, it seemed appropriate. Jax is very definitely the lead character here, and being able to present her particular take and explanations on things is going to be pretty important as I go along.

Jarrik32:

--- Quote from: MarcoSkoll on August 23, 2010, 12:23:09 AM ---Well, there's apparently some nutters on this forum who think I'm a reasonable writer, so here's some nonsense I've been working on recently.

--- End quote ---

I just want to add that I'm not one of the aforementioned nutters :)

On a serious note this seems pretty good, keep up the work.

Inquisitor Sargoth:
This is a good piece of work, though it's hard for me to say too much with regards to characterisation and plot after one post. Incidentally, kudos for approaching the much-maligned first person.

So I'll mostly limit my thoughts a stylic point - my issue is that there's a lot of word redundancy. For example...


--- Quote ---...for what use is being told only way to purify the sin of mutation is to die in the Emperor's name when you're a mutant who can't die?
--- End quote ---

This is a nice conceit, but it's not snappy enough. You also go into a little bit too much detail when you're setting the scene, which can drift into 'Telling not showing' (a sin we all commit regularly, myself included, but a sin nonetheless). Knowing the precise number of crew is unimportant to the narrative, for exampleand it's hard to open with exposition like that. A trick I employ in... well, just about everything I've ever written is to throw people in at the deep end with a scene/dialogue/monologue that's as interesting as I can make it and then set the scene.

Character-wise, Rae comes across as very detached, which makes sense if she's been around two thousand years. Though, mutant or not, I imagine the only way to avoid going insane in that period of time would be to forget vast, vast, vast swathes of your life. Indeed, if I was writing about such a character they'd be temporally confused as to what century it was and who they were speaking to most of the time. But thankfully I'm not.

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