Second Attempts.

[Adlan]

Ah, sorry, miscommunication. To a farm boy like me AI is artificial insemination.

[O_o]

OH  that  kind of  AI   well that is just  turkey  basting !! lol   

[Kaled]

im having trouble re-writing the psyker. I'm not so experianced with non-eldritch psykers, so im confused what to do. any ideas?

You could just start with the same story you had before, keep the thing with his sister and him going on the run but have the authorities quickly catch him and he's shipped off on the Blackships - how he ends up back in the service of your Rogue Trader is then up to you.

Why not have him trained and sanctioned as an astropath? He's then employed by your Rogue Trader and over the years re-learns some of the biomancy abilities he instinctively knew as a kid, powers which were neglected or suppressed at the Scholastia Psykana when he underwent training to develop his telepathic potential. Maybe he's even got to such a point that he managed to re-grow his eyes that had been burned out during the Soul-binding...

[Alyster Wick]

I'd like to make a quick observation as well as an overarching critique.  The main issues that keeps coming up with much of the background that you're developing is that it seems (IMO) you're looking to Warhammer 40K (referring to the 28mm scale game, not the universe) as the main source for your background.  The result is that a lot of the details from your characters stories end up being comparatively bland/unrealistic.  I make this observation as a GM currently working with a player who is using Inquisitor as their first foray into the 40K realm and is doing most of their research on the main GW site.

Not that this is a huge problem as the Conclave is always here to help with constructive criticism.  However, I think if you were able to shift your focus from more of a scaled down 40K into the very different universe of Inquisitor that it would definitely help with your process.

My advice would be to read through a variety of the articles that have been generated since Inquisitor began (Marco has been kind enough to post them all online, there's a link to it in one of the stickies in this part of the forum actually).  Of course I'd say some of the best could be discovered over at Dark Magenta http://www.darkmagenta.co.uk/(and they'd certainly help get your views in line with the clave as most of the articles come from members here!). 

Some selected reading I'd suggest would be the various Sourcebooks (especially the sections with player generated characters), the sizable article on Navigators, the space marine article (it's incredibly helpful in explaining the differences between marines and humans and shatters the assumption that 40K rules are accurate depictions in the least) and Kaled's recent mechanicus article.  All of these help illuminate the difference between 40K and Inquisitor while also showing what a wide berth you have to explore areas that are only glossed over as extraneous fluff in the 40K codexes. 

It isn't that there's necessarily anything wrong with heavily referencing our smaller scale brethren, it's just that it's a shame to view Inquisitor as a scaled up version of 40K, ESPECIALLY when writing background.  Inquisitor's virtue (IMO) is that you get to build on and explore what's already there, not feel tied to it.  Anyway, hope that was helpful.  Your tenacity in character development is admirable! 

[Darksinger]

Thanks for the tips on backgrounds Kaled. My first deck crew warbander is finished- take a look below and see what you think.

Nikolas Moght
Nikolas is right handed.


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Special Abilities
• Medic

Equipment:
• Flamer
• Monkey wrench (counts as hammer)
•Cloth arnour on everything but head and torso (two points of armour)
• Flak armour on torso (3 points of armour)
---------------
Apearance
---------------
About 5 foot 3. Blue eyes, Ginger hair. Constantly snburned because he works in the engine room.

---------------
Background:
---------------
Nikolas was bought as a slave at the age of eight, by an a man named Calodus Teljar. This man was a rouge trader with an enourmous fortune and an even bigger ship. Nikolas had been bought to run the engine room, and was to learn as he went from the old engineer, a steely man nicknamed 'quicksilver'. Nikolas learned quite quickly, and even managed to prevent a meltdown during an attack from pirates. Nikolas also underwent medical training in case any of the other engineers suffered an injury. 12 years into the job, Calodus retired to his home on Vestroya, and his son Restin Teljar took over. Nikolas still works in the engine room to this day, but not under slavic conditions- Restins first act as captain was to free the slaves on board, an act for which Nikolas is ever grateful.

[Kaled]

Restin is far too nice a guy - to the point it's almost unbelievable given the world into which he's brought up. Why he obsession with making him perfect in every way? Characters tend to seem more real if they have a few flaws (they also tend to be more fun to play).

The ship's crew might be virtual, or even literal, slaves but this is the 41st millennium and slavery is common-place. Even if he made his crew free it would be a symbolic act for most - the ship is their life, their home, the only place they've known. The void-born are typically distrustful of outsiders and don't feel comfortable planetside. He might have improved their conditions when he freed them but they're institutionalised, they're often born into a caste and might seek to advance among their caste, but to leave the ship is generally unthinkable. Any pressed crew might feel different, and by freeing them he might give them the run of the ship, well of the crew's communal areas, and maybe even allow them to leave, but he's a long way above them (figuratively and literally) and he probably wouldn't have time or the inclination to find out in detail what goes on below decks - that'd be left to underlings who are not likely to want to admit that they can't control the men under their command or that there's any dissent in the ranks.

Finally, when I suggested an enginseer earlier, it wasn't a typo - the engine room would be run by an adept of the Mechanicus. He would have some crew who aren't tech-adepts to do some of the manual labour, but he's likely to lead them to worship the Omnissiah (probably with the reactors being seen as a manifestation of the Machine God), but the rituals for how to control the reactors would not be shared outside those inducted into the hierarchy of the cult.

[Darksinger]

Ok, a while ago, i changed Restins Fluff so that he was born on vestroya. If i remember rightly, the firstborn son of every vestroyan is to enter service into the imperial army. As you can probably see, Restin is quite the compasionate fellow, and he could not stand the loss of a son. As for Inuisitor/40k relations, im pretty sure that even in the universe inuisitor creates, the fluff wont have changed so much that 1000 years oif tradition would be ingnored.

[Darksinger]

ok guys, as much of a hater of double posting as i am, im gonna do it for the sake of this thread. This is the s2nd last character in the warband-

Alex Saiben.
Alex is right handed
Note- Alex is female.


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Special Abilities
• Hipshooting
Equipment:
• Lasgun (heavy millitary magazine, extended barrel, Blueshift doppler attachment, 19 megathule lasing chamber, necromunda discharge generator, bullpup frame.)
• Re-inforced Flak armour on all locations (icluding head). (4 points of armour)
---------------
Apearance
---------------
Thinnish. Black Hair (very long, but is usually hidden inside her helmet.) Blue eyes. No one has ever seen any more of her body than her face, in any way shape or form. Still wears her stormtrooper armour.
---------------
Background:
---------------
Alex, real name 'Alexis', was born on Vestroya, as a twin to hre brother, Samuel. Sam was, as the firstborn son of a family, inducted into the imperial guard at the proper age, trained as a stormtrooper from the beginning. (Samuel and Alex were both part of a noble family on Vestroya) However, disaster struck soon- Sam was killed all along with the remainder of his squad, betrayed by a squad of recently tainted guardsman. This was an act of murder no-one bore witness to, save Alex, who had been followng her brother. She had grown tired of the second borns on vestroya attempting to court her- she did not want to become emotioally involved with anyone. On the day Samuel had returned from traiing, to wish his family goodbye, Alex snck on board the warp-cruiser 'Dutyforged' and hid in the trainin room. Every time people came in to practice, Alex pretended she was here to help the soldiers set up, dressing in a stolen uniform from one of the stock supplers on board. If her brother ever came in, she would hide, although it rarely happened, the storm troopers having their own training room aboard. By the time 'Dutyforged' reached its destination, a war torn death world, Alex was almost just accepted as a crew member, although she was careful to avoid her brother.She returned the uniform, sneakin out into the mountains. She later found her brothers squadron, although it was him and him alone fighting six cultists with his improvised club- an empty lasgun. As she watched her brother die, Alex swore vengance- she snuck up on the celebrating cultists, stealing her brothers highly upgraded lasgun and an ammo cartridge from another storm troopers body. The Cultists fell rather quickly- Alex found that a full year of warp time watching the soldiers training was enough to give her the knowledge to use the weapons she was holding. Alex then took her brothers Armour and euipment, including his face mask, and changed overnight. She bound her womanly features and adopted her brothers name. Five years into service, Alex was discovered. Bunkered down in a building under heavy fire in the middle of an ork warzone, Alex took a shoota round to the stomach. The medic stationed in the building immediately removed her armour, discovering the truth behind her. Later, after she had had a rather cheap operation to heal her, Alex was sentanced to death by her company commander, for lies and deciet, stealing the identity of a soldier and, despite Alex's statements to the contrary, the murder of her brother and his team. At this point, Restin had arrived, Fighting his way through orks with a giant man, a shaggy muscle bound fighter with grenades and a short boy with psychic capabilitys. He had come to resupply the troopers he had heard were stranded here, but when he saw Alex about to be executed, he took offence that a woman, of all things, be executed for the murder of her brother, which he saw as unlikely, and for practicaly volunteering to join a depleted army. Restin killed the executioner, figting his way out with alex in hand. Taking her aboard his ship, Alex was proprerly treated for her injurys and offered a place onboard, keeping an eye on the flight crew. Alex accepted, gaining her a place on the crew, and the ability to hide from her old commanders.

[Alta]

Two things I find odd about the background story:

1) How cruel is she meant to be?! She just sits on a rock and watches as cultists rip her brother to pieces.

2) Restin seems far too nice. Why on earth would he want to recruit someone he hasn't even met that is suspected of lying, theft and murder?

[Kaled]

I can't remember if I asked this before, but do you have plans for models for all of these characters? You've written pretty detailed descriptions of them so I'm curious how you plan to actually build each of them? From your comment in the other thread I assume they're going to be done at 54mm - is that right? If so, I'm looking forwards to seeing them.

[Darksinger]

Alta- she sits on a mountain- even if she did manage to get down in time, she wouldnt be able to save him fully.
And if (sorry for the comparison but,) you were sitting on a mountain an saw your brother being killed by cultists, would you not be a bit too shocked to move for a moment? (again, sorry)
Restin is honourable- and he is Vostroyan too. He knows Vestroyan are too noble to kill members of their wn family ect. ect.

Kaled- 54mm eventually, but 28mm untill i get enough stuff to make them with. Will get pics if i can, but my computers pretty rubbish with images.

[MarcoSkoll]

Getting into a fight to rescue a woman who is charged with all sorts of crimes simply because "it sounded unlikely, 'cause she's from my planet and we're too noble". Sorry, but that is stupidly naive chivalry and patriotism - there are still a lot of dishonest upper classes.

Also, as there is no denying that she had lied (she had been pretending to be her brother), so if that didn't score some dishonesty points with him, he really is daft.

~~~~~

Also, I find it doubtful Alex (completely untrained) could have fought and beaten cultists where a squad of Storm troopers had failed.

Next, I find the whole idea of her "becoming her brother" unlikely.
Firstly, she's not going to be wearing that armour the whole time. She wouldn't be able to hide behind the helmet all the time, so she'd have an interesting time in the group showers. Bear in mind, there would be regular medical examinations too, not just medical care when injured.
Secondly, even when she is wearing the armour, she's probably five or six inches shorter than her brother (most women are around that much shorter than their brothers), so it wouldn't fit properly.
Thirdly, how dim-witted were her superiors not to notice the changes in movement, voice and skill level?

Forget five years, she'd probably be spotted after five hours.
While people can convincingly pass for a member of the other gender, it is not likely they could pass for any specific individual (even a sibling) - and to do it without realignment surgery would take a lot more privacy than you get in the Imperial Guard.

[Kaled]

Will get pics if i can, but my computers pretty rubbish with images.

Rubbish in what way? If you tell us the problem maybe someone can help.

[Darksinger]

Marco- 5 years? I thoug i said 5 months. Sorry. She is rouhly the same height as her brother. Privacy may be a problem though. And the voice thing- you might be  able to tell the difference between a women putting on a deep voice behind a mask, and a guy talking normaly behind a mask, but it might convince someone for a while. Might change it to 5 weeks, making the cultists a sole ork nob (one ok nob vs a girl with a high powered lasgun, shes got a decent chance) and makin the ork assault later on the same world.

I never said Restin trsted her completey- he put her on flght crew to keep an eye on her. Also, he is only offended by the murder aspect of her charges, he thinks it ridiculous that a noble woman, who (again, this may not have been clear, but many noble familys would know each other well) he knows from on vostroya, would be charged with killing her own brother.

kaled- I can't tell. It has trouble loading pics, but i have one possible solution. I have a friend with a really good computer, who can probably load my pictures up with no problem. I will get some of the concept art up A.S.A.P.

[MarcoSkoll]

You might be  able to tell the difference between a women putting on a deep voice behind a mask, and a guy talking normaly behind a mask, but it might convince someone for a while.

It's not really a "might". Like I said in general, the same applies to the voice. We're not talking about passing for male, we're talking about passing for a specific male. A "put on a deeper voice" might work if a woman simply wanted to pretend to be male, but it wouldn't fool anyone who knew her brother.

The problem is, the frequency spectrum of the male and female voice are different shapes, not just different pitches. While the higher frequency parts resemble each other, the low frequency part of the voice is several semi-tones different, and while someone can usually change the overall pitch of their voice, it takes training and practice to change the frequency of individual parts differently.

making the cultists a sole ork nob (one ok nob vs a girl with a high powered lasgun, shes got a decent chance

If anything, an Ork Nob is worse. When Orks get that big, they're a match (or better) for Space Marines.
And the point about an untrained girl defeating something where an entire trained and armoured storm trooper squad failed remains, and there's no flip-flopping of the threat that will suddenly make that plausible.

Also, he is only offended by the murder aspect of her charges

So because of that take on a whole load of murder charges himself by attacking her executioners? And bear in mind, any fight you get into could be your last - it's a lot to risk.

Also, the way it's written implies a distinct lack of honour on his part. You give no implication of any warning, so it just reads like he turns up, doesn't like what he hears, then starts shooting.
If it were to happen at all, then his starting with something like "Sir, where is your honour!? I demand you unhand that girl, or you shall taste Vostroyan steel!" would be more characterful. Still pretty naive, but less so than just starting shooting (which is guaranteed to start a fight).

but many noble familys would know each other well

Vostroya has a lot of noble families. For two individuals from Vostroya to meet and formerly have known each other is really pushing the bounds of coincidence.