Author Topic: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique  (Read 2782 times)

Offline Daxam

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A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
« on: May 10, 2015, 07:36:04 PM »
    Wow, it has been... some time since I've been here. I'm glad to see there's still life here!

    So, uh, the last five years have been pretty mad for me. I do regret that I have neglected the Conclave, because this was a fantastic forum for stories, characters and models! I'm hoping no one minds me crowbar-ing my way back in here. Whilst affording 54mm models might be a bit away from me (until I begin practicing sculpting in the summer), I am going to do some Inq-28.

    And, to keep this topic in the right place, I am going to jump right back into making characters! So, please critique and all! And I hope you are all well!

    (Anything in red represents an edit at the suggestion of a 'Claver. Thank you for the critiques!)

    Technocrat Garam Solez

    "Gross misuse of such sacred mechanisms warrants... severe reprimands."

    - WS: 61 BS: 62 S: 52 T: 60 I: 71 WP: 72 SG: 90 NV: 85 LD: 60

    -Gender: Male
    -Age: Presumed 129
    -Appearance: Was tanned, dark haired and brown eyed, before Augmentation.
    -Height: 6’ 10”
    -Weight: 256 Lbs
    -Religion: Strict First Church of the Omnissiah.

    Abilities :
    -Right Handed
    -Force Of WIll

    -Luminarc Stave: A symbol of office that Garam holds. A stave with a Noospherically active element, it can compact down to a quarter of its full length. The decorative head also contains an electro-kinetic contact plate, enabling it to be used as a close combat weapon. It takes one action to compact the stave down or extend it. When compacted it can be used in one hand, whilst the extended setting requires both hands to use effectively. The Stave has the "Shock Weapon" effect.

    Reach                          Damage                            Parry Penalty
    2- (Compacted)          D6+3 (Compacted)          -15% (Compacted)
    4- (Extended)             2D6+4 (Extended)           -25% (Extended)

    In addition, as a symbol of authority, it demonstrates Garam’s Station and rank.

    -Damped Plasma Carbine with 1 Reload
    -Omni-Key: Offers a +15 modifier to all checks for Lockpicking.
    -Noospheric Inload/Exload Node: GM Discretion on uses.
    -Medikit, With six doses of Cure-All De-Tox
    -Robes on all Locations (AV1)
    -Carapace on Chest, Abdomen, Groin, Both arms (AV6)[/li][/list]

    -Advanced Bionic Head, Inbuilt Filtration Plugs
    -Advanced Bionic Brain, Inbuilt Bioscanner.
    -Advanced Bionic Arms
    -Average Bionic Lungs
    -Potentia Coil, Standard Core, upgraded with the Energy Field function
    -Triumvirate Sensorium: A tripled lensed face plate that Garam wears. It renders him unable to be affected by Blind effect weapons. In addition, he is treated as having Infra-red sighting.


    Technocrat Garam is one of the leading Mechanicum officers on the Forgeworld of Haemite. As a Technocrat, Garam has the role of seeing to it that the technology manufactured in the Primus City is distributed and used correctly. Whilst this might seem to be a job for an administratum clerk or specialist Servitor, Garam oversees the distribution of some of the Mechanicus’ exclusive technologies and materials. And invariably, he finds himself going after Adepts who abuse and misuse what they have. Be they young, reckless acolytes who believe reform is needed, or ancient Adepts who have been driven mad by scrap code and biological impurity, Garam pursues them through city highrises and over desert dunes. Even the labyrinthine wastes of the scrap caverns by the Primus city offer little shelter from the relentless Technocrat.

    Garam’s ascent through the ranks is the usual story of all adepts of the Mechanicus, beginning off as a lowly apprenta-acolyte of a Forge Master. An ambitious and driven soul, Garam did not let the difficulty of his work deter him from pushing himself, to excel. His dedication and sharp wits earned him the attention of many of the loftier adepts. It was seen that many were seeking to groom him as a protege, a successor to their own fiefs within the Primus City. And whilst their attentions were welcomed, he had designs of his own.

    By reading into old, barely maintained data stacks, Garam discovered the long forgotten role of City Technocrat, a rank that had been long left unfulfilled, and he leveraged that the lawlessness in the lower stretches of the City and the repeated abuse of sanctified technology by adepts warranted an adept to take on this rank. Backed up by statistics, precedence, and the approval of such naked ambition by his higher ups, he was given the rank… and immediately tasked with securing the city against criminal elements and renegade priests that he claimed to exist.

    Garam found that his new authority and power were coupled with even more work, and whilst he had coteries of Skitarii, Automata and Servitors to aid him, he felt that it was his duty to personally spearhead many such operations and deliver judgement himself. That does not prevent him from employing his coteries, or discovering talent amongst the Mechanicus, the Imperial labour force for his office… and even some of the less desirable souls who scavenge in the dunes found themselves employed to some degree, as much as they were sanctioned for their crimes.

    After nearly seventy five solar years of hunting, and countless brushes with death, Garam has come to realise his service will likely end soon… and he desires to hunt down something meaningful, something beyond imagining. To make his final effort something legendary. Every Forge World has some dark, deep secrets, and in the cryo-deserts north of Primus city, Garam thinks he has found the beginnings of his magnum opus...


    So, any critique on his profile, his background, everything would be welcome, and I hope that this marks my slow return to this wonderful place...

    Oh and a teaser for his model:

    « Last Edit: May 13, 2015, 10:04:14 AM by Daxam »
    I seek a perfection. I won't attain it. But it is a lofty enough goal for my ego.

    Offline DapperAnarchist

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    Re: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
    « Reply #1 on: May 11, 2015, 09:39:13 PM »
    do we do the big yellow welcome for returning people? Or should there be something else, like a big red welcome back?

    Anyway, while that gets decided on -

    I really like the staff, there's something very vivid about it. Also, an angry Mechanicus taxman or ombudsman? Brilliant.
    Questions are a burden to others, answers a burden to oneself.

    The Keltani Subsector  My P&M Thread - Most recent, INQ28!

    Offline MarcoSkoll

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    Re: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
    « Reply #2 on: May 12, 2015, 01:28:54 AM »
    Well, welcome back to the Battle for the Emperor's soul, regardless of whether we're formalising a re-welcome (it seems we could do with one, of late).

    And with that said, let's crack on with that critique you wanted...

    - I'd personally knock his BS down a bit; BS can be stacked with multiple aim modifiers, so by the time you get near 70, it's usually getting pretty high, which is a fairly nasty combination with plasma weapons. Other that, there's nothing too wild in the statline. The Sg and Nv are fairly high, but shouldn't impact too heavily on the game, and are reasonably explicable with additional data banks and emotional suppression.

    - For my personal tastes, 230 lbs is a little bit light for a 6' 10" Tech-Adept, although it depends on how heavy you see bionics as being.

    - With regards to the bionics, check out Kaled's He's More Machine than Man article, which gives a more interesting variety of options than those from the rulebook.

    - Background: Well, all credit where it's due, that's actually refreshingly different as far as Inquisitor backgrounds go. It's nicely understated (it's not trying to define the fate of worlds, it's someone chasing down late fees), but it's worth also having plans for how it can be woven into a wider narrative of a campaign plot.
    S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
    Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
    Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

    GW's =I= articles

    Offline Daxam

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    Re: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
    « Reply #3 on: May 12, 2015, 09:29:21 PM »
    Thanks for the welcome back! I am hoping to at least be consistently active on this forum for a good long while again.

    And under the suggestions, the BS has gone down and the weight is up.

    As for his potential ability to appear in games, well, he could always be tracking down someone who is abusing technology, or following up on the secrets of his home world. Also, perhaps seeking out various allies from disparate sources (like the Inquisition and its ilk) would serve him well. (Hurrah for character exploration.) Any other suggestions before I start throwing other characters out here to be examined?

    (And now I must download all the Dark Magenta articles).
    I seek a perfection. I won't attain it. But it is a lofty enough goal for my ego.

    Offline Daxam

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    Re: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
    « Reply #4 on: May 13, 2015, 10:01:17 PM »
    Just a brief WIP bit of art to tease at my next character.

    It shouldn't be too hard to see which kits provide some of the inspiration for him.
    I seek a perfection. I won't attain it. But it is a lofty enough goal for my ego.

    Offline Daxam

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    Re: A Quiet Return... and new Characters to Critique
    « Reply #5 on: May 29, 2015, 11:23:06 AM »
    Decided to drop in another character for the critique and a bit more art and model work.

    Might start a thread to motivate me to sculpt (Which will also be a good place to beg advice for scratchbuilding).

    Skitarii Provost-Corporal Venair

    “Discipline will be enforced. Order will be maintained. You will be compliant.”

    WS: 57 BS: 59 S: 53:  T 54:  I: 51  WP: 56  SG: 49  NV: 61  LD: 68

    Gender: Unknown
    Age: 45 years
    Appearance: Pale skin, Violet eyes, grey hair (Cadian Descent)
    Height: 6’ 2”
    Weight:  190Lbs
    Religion: Strict Omnissian, War Clavers Sect

    -Right Handed

    -2 Photon Flash Grenades
    -Skitarii Armour on all except head (AV3)
    -Vanguarder’s Helm (AV3, with flare resist goggles)
    -Skitarii Robes on Chest, Abdomen and legs (AV1)
    -4 Beanbag Shotgun Shells, 4 Shock shells, 4 Slug shells.

    -Advanced Bionic arms with weapons mounts. Both arms have Exo Armour mods.
    --Left Arm equipped with an MIU fired Auxiliary Shotgun. Loaded with 4 Bean bag Shells. Augmented with a laser aim module.
    --Right Arm equipped with a concealed sword. Takes one action to unsheath/sheath. Right hand is unusable when unsheathed.
    -Respirator unit with Vox Caster, Rebreather and Rite of Fear augment.


    A former skitarii of the regional Mechanicus standing military, Venair was sequestered into a law enforcement role when it was determined that he was incompatible with more deep seated augmentation procedures. Venair has a rare genetic structure that leads to a hyper active immune system, leading to him being generally healthier and allowing him to recover from illness much faster, but also results in an extreme negative reaction with invasively implanted technologies. Even his external augments require monitoring and extensive retro-viral treatments to prevent rejection. Having had several internal augmetics surgically removed and vat grown replacement organs reattached, Venair was considered unsuitable for the demanding work of a front line Skitarii.

    However, he had still undergone significant combat training, and under Technocrat Garam's instruction, he formed a provost coterie, meant to police the forge city, put down riots, and secure objectives where a more forceful and military response was considered indelicate. Mostly equipped with less than lethal firearms and similar deterrents, Venair has been at the forefront of worker riots, religious disputes turned ugly, and the occasional mutant uprising in the city. And every one of these has ended with the offending parties sentenced to long communal work servitudes, beaten back to their undercroft homes, or even placed under house arrest. After being treated for blunt force trauma from non-lethal munitions. Some of the worst case riots leads to banishment from The Primus City.

    Venair is brusque, hardworking and unstinting. Whilst he empathises with the difficult conditions the workers of the city endure, he does not allow personal feelings interfere in such work. This as earned him a reputation for being harsh, and the mention of him sometimes even causes rioters to disperse, and for disagreements to suddenly become vastly more civil. The Provost is aware of this reputation, and uses it gladly, eager to reduce the conflicts within the city, when things outside it pose a great enough threat to its safety.

    The Provost is discerning, recognising that blind loyalty is a flaw that can be exploited. Though he is loyal to Garam, and the Adepts who rule the city, his final and most ardent loyalty is to the Primus City itself, believing that so long as people serve to protect and enrich the city, then they deserve his loyalty. Anyone threatening it, or is a liability to its security and smooth running, will find themselves under his gunsights and the goads of his subordinates. And for certain occasions where the law must be delivered swiftly and without reservation, a concealed blade certainly speeds matters.

    ((Critique is welcome as usual!)

    Art a bit further along now.

    And Garam has his first layers of paint on as well as a stave change.

    I seek a perfection. I won't attain it. But it is a lofty enough goal for my ego.