Author Topic: Lux Eterna OOC  (Read 8833 times)

Offline Swarbie

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Lux Eterna OOC
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:13:09 AM »
Hi everyone,

Feel free to use this topic to post any comments, criticism of my fiction piece, Lux Eterna.

I have quite literally just started it today, and, knowing me, updates will likely be few and far between. However, I am determined to finish writing this one, as it is basically the last story of  my first ever Inquisitor (model-less and without stats or rules of any kind at the moment).

I ask all who wish to see this finished to nag and/or encourage me whenever they feel I am taking too long over an update.

I thank you in advance, and hope that I will be able to do this well. 

EDIT: Yes, I know the opening post is small. Don't worry, the actual log-book posts will be longer.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2009, 08:20:52 AM by Swarbie »
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2009, 04:44:50 AM »
No comments at all? I know it hasn't really got going yet, but still.
Soon things will liven up a bit.

But I really would like to know what you guys think. I was trying to present the softer side of my Inquisitor, which will give him something to fight for later on. 

Don't be shy. I'm not going to bite.

Much.  ;D
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2009, 05:40:20 AM »
It reads like it has potential. I like to see people address the more human side of characters - it's all too dull to have Inquisitors who are stoic and exist only to fight whatever menace.

As I've said before, I find the concept of characters with nothing to lose an odd one - it's supposed to imply that they'll do anything and act fearlessly. In contrast, I actually think that a character who has something to lose is a far better concept, because they'll fight like hell to avoid losing it.

So, very much agreed with where you're going so far, and I'll be reading to see where you go with this.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

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Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2009, 06:49:05 AM »
Thanks.

I do agree with how you think someone with something to lose would act. This is his home-world and direct family. If he thinks something is going to harm them, he's going to do whatever it takes.

The next part should be up in a day or two. Keep watching.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2009, 11:32:55 AM »
Personally, I'm a fan of exploring what made Inquisitors into inhuman stoics and worse. I think a mentally normal and healthy person would crack under the pressure and unremitting horror. Which is also fun to watch, of course...

I wouldn't expect much by way of comments these days, Swarbie, with the IC boards the way they are (desolate, in short). 

So far, little has happened. The aliens have not made themself known, we know a little about the world and that our protagonist married an Untouchable. I'm guessing he's blunt.

Your writing is good however; I like the lack of purple prose (I'm assuming you're not new to writing). The third update feels little too domestic for the setting, but I suspect this is just to contrast with some later horror and to give it a more personal impact....
One More Hit - A tale of addiction.

Offline Zephon

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2009, 06:28:53 PM »
Are the current updates log-book entries?

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2009, 09:32:48 PM »
I think a mentally normal and healthy person would crack under the pressure and unremitting horror.
Well, while I agree to some extent, we are talking about people with incredible strength of will. If someone wasn't possessed of such traits, then I figure they'd be unlikely to have become an Inquisitor in the first place.

I hardly see an emotionally normal Inquisitor as impossible.
That said, I'll play things lots of ways. Some characters of mine have become more detached over their backstories, some have become more extroverted.

Depends on what I feel like writing really.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2009, 11:22:15 PM »
I think a mentally normal and healthy person would crack under the pressure and unremitting horror.
Well, while I agree to some extent, we are talking about people with incredible strength of will. If someone wasn't possessed of such traits, then I figure they'd be unlikely to have become an Inquisitor in the first place.

You see, I read incredible strength of will as borderline mental illness. A casual disregard for human life and the surety that you know better are essential for an Inquisitor, else they'd be wrapped up in guilt and self doubt. These don't make for healthy minds, hence why so many factions (most of them fueled by arrogance, 'I know best' or a 'I will suceed where others failed!') have formed. Also why you get so many Inquisitors who become heavy-handed fanatics or dabble far, far too deeply into chaos. But that's sematics.
One More Hit - A tale of addiction.

Offline MarcoSkoll

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2009, 12:29:18 AM »
People are all too different - each will cope in their own way.

Suggesting that Inquisitors can only be stoic individuals whose personalities can't possibly share any resemblance to a more normal person is a pretty limited base to work from.
S.Sgt Silva Birgen: "Good evening, we're here from the Adeptus Defenestratus."
Captain L. Rollin: "Nonsense. Never heard of it."
Birgen: "Pick a window. I'll demonstrate".

GW's =I= articles

Offline Inquisitor Sargoth

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2009, 12:55:09 AM »
Not at all, they're all quite different, merely with one defining charecteristic that is somewhat unusual and hence definitive.
One More Hit - A tale of addiction.

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2009, 09:57:29 AM »
Sorry to bump into this quite interesting discussion but-

+++Inquisitorial intervention sanctioned+++

"By the Will of He On Terra, I have succeeded in deciphering more of the downloaded data. This tale moves me deeply, for I never remembered the events that led to Jorken's death. Perhaps. . . Perhaps I will learn what happened to Marcas. Let all who read this bear the memory of my master in their hearts. I hope to uncover more soon."

-Inquisitor Fabio Glosche, Ordo Xenos  

+++Inquisitorial intervention terminated+++

There. A slight teaser about the end I have planned. I would like to hear your theories as to what I am planning.

Discuss!!!

EDIT: Yes, this means I added an update.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2009, 11:59:36 AM by Swarbie »
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2009, 08:02:38 AM »
Ta-da!!!!! I miraculously reveal yet another update, albeit a somewhat small one.

I hope you're all enjoying it so far. It may be a little slow at the moment, but good things come to those who wait.
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2010, 10:26:24 AM »
Ok, somewhat lengthier than usual update today. I got a little off-track explaining Jorken's . . . relationship (?) with his psychic self, but it's actually starting to lead somewhere.

Also, triple post!!!
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2010, 05:29:20 AM »
Another update. And if you can't guess what the alien menace is now, no cookies for you.

Quadruple post?
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning

Offline Swarbie

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Re: Lux Eterna OOC
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2010, 05:23:51 AM »
Still nothing here.

Ah well.

I give you another update!!!!!!

(What would you call my fifth post in a row? A quintuple post?)
And I saw her body burning,
With it, my world
To dust returning