Author Topic: Raptors Chapter archive: Battle Notes, Tuloni III  (Read 2026 times)

Offline Wulf

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Raptors Chapter archive: Battle Notes, Tuloni III
« on: September 04, 2010, 09:21:37 PM »
Hello all!

After some time lurking on the forums, I finally decided to write something. The Tuloni III incident is my first attempt at WH40K, so bear with me if it's utter crap.

Comments and criticism welcome.

Offline Baraltax

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Re: Raptors Chapter archive: Battle Notes, Tuloni III
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2010, 05:20:59 PM »
Well done, Wulf. I've read it beginning to end today, and, though at first, with the formal introduction of the characters and so, I thought it a bit slow paced, the detail and built-up in the end do contribute to my enjoyement of the whole.

Hope to return and see more of this.

Offline Wulf

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Re: Raptors Chapter archive: Battle Notes, Tuloni III
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2010, 07:42:36 PM »
Thanks, buddy. I must say that I'm not completely satisfied with it. It'd need quite a bit of tweaking, but I can't seem to find the time. Especially the dialog is weak at best, and I'm not real happy with the storyline either.

But I do have something simmering, so expect to see more at some point.

Offline Wulf

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Re: Raptors Chapter archive: Battle Notes, Tuloni III
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2010, 11:32:58 PM »
An update. Somewhat dialogue heavy, and a classic failure of "show, don't tell", but meh... *shrug*